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PostPosted: Thu Feb 28, 2019 10:38 am 
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Joined: Thu Feb 28, 2019 10:33 am
Posts: 50
Hi
My son is very rewards driven and in order to keep the momentum going I would like to reward him at end of year 5 for working so hard on 11 plus tutoring. However mu husband thinks he should only get a reward if he passes.

What are you thoughts? What kind of rewards have you given?

Thanks


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 28, 2019 10:53 am 
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Joined: Tue Feb 20, 2018 2:58 pm
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Hi, we rewarded our DS for all his effort. I think that if you promise a reward for passing, and then it doesn't happen, it is a double blow for the child.
We have not promised anything to DS2 yet, but I'm sure he is very aware of what his brother got! :)


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 28, 2019 11:11 am 
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Joined: Sat Oct 13, 2018 4:00 pm
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Don't offer a reward for passing, it only increases the pressure on your child. My DCs told me of children offered phones and large sums of money to pass, who ended up in tears during the test. Cruel! I would also say don't guilt your child if you've paid a lot of money for tuition, which my kids tell me some of their friends were worried about.


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 28, 2019 11:13 am 
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I think all the effort must be rewarded regardless of the outcome.


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 28, 2019 11:28 am 
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Joined: Thu Sep 13, 2018 11:30 am
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In my opinion, if your DC is reward driven, then reward his effort rather than result.
As reward on result increases the pressure on the child.

Believe it or not, I have seen a lot of DCs and my DS under a lot of pressure around exam. Whether we tell them or not, they understand the situation and somehow infer that if they don't get selected it is some kind of negative result ( this is what my DS told when I said that you don't fail elevenplus, you just get selected or not).
You would not do good to add to their pressure by thinking about loosing the reward as well.

We promised a few things that our son wanted (not very expensive), to be given after the exam. This was with dual purpose, one to reward him for his effort and also to stop him getting distracted during exam period.


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 28, 2019 11:44 am 
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Joined: Thu Feb 28, 2019 10:33 am
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Thanks for these helpful responses - I agree it should be for effort. What kind of rewards did you give...?


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 28, 2019 12:20 pm 
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Joined: Thu Nov 27, 2014 4:04 pm
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We rewarded our dd after each exam (she didn't know this would happen). She did 4 days of exams and she was given a new pencil case, some other item of stationery I can't recall, a new onesie and an afternoon at a swimming pool with chutes/tunnels etc.
In September I was at the school when prospective parents were touring and I overheard a couple of family members promise their children a PS4 if they got into the school. It was all I could do not to tell them how completely inappropriate I thought that was.


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 28, 2019 12:33 pm 
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Joined: Tue Oct 16, 2018 10:45 am
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I concur with loubylou's comments. I too have heard of extravagant gifts being dangled like carrots to 11years on the strength of 11 + results. Funnily enough a ps4 was muted along with iphone's, puppies (yes puppies !) etc.
Remember at secondary school the pressure will be on to have the "on trend" brands. If a precedent has been set it may come back to bite you further along the line.


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 28, 2019 12:57 pm 
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We went away the day after the test for a few days (Disneyland Paris) - we were going anyway but it seemed a nice idea to tie it in with all her hard work. We didn't make a big deal out of the results (she passed but several friends didn't) although obviously we were thrilled for her.


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 28, 2019 1:21 pm 
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Joined: Tue Oct 13, 2015 8:09 am
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As others have said reward the effort not the outcome. It takes the pressure off.

At this age a pack of football stickers (or whatever the latest fad is) should be sufficient reward for hard work be it in a session or doing some home revision.


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