Is Grammar always the better choice?

[Kimchi]

Hi everyone,

I've been going about in circles for the last 2 days and could really do with some input from someone other than my husband!

My eldest son received a qualifying score on Friday. He didn't have a pay-for tutor but I did a LOT of practice papers with him so it would be misleading to suggest he didn't have any tutoring.

As much as I was keen for him to 'pass', just for his own confidence (I've banned my son from saying he has passed, I have younger children who are not as academic so I've really drummed into them it is not pass or fail, but the score dictates which school will be best for you) - I had never actually thought about him going to a grammar. Now we are here, I'm having a bit of a crisis because the local comp is so nice and supportive and has children come out of it who go to Oxbridge unis. The grammar round the corner from me is renowned for being uncompassionate and a nightmare for boys who are not sporty.

Do I have to send him to a grammar just because he passed? Would I be putting him at a disadvantage sending him to a comp? He would be put in top sets for everything so he would still be educated with children who are bright and maybe missed out on GS by a mark or two. It would be really good to hear from people who have any experience with any of this!

Thanks in advance

[yoyo123]

Send him to the school where you think he would be happiest, where does he want to go?

We live in Kent a “grammar” county.

My son was very bright and breezed through the 11+ but I’m still not convinced that our local grammar was the right place for him. Unfortunately, we don’t have true comps here

[hermanmunster]

I agree with Yoyo - send him where you feel he would be happiest, it doesn't have to be the Grammar just because he passed the exam.

I spent some time in Lancashire and people opted not to take the exam or even places at some of the Grammar schools because they had good local comprehensives that they were very happy with - the GS wasn't everything

[PettswoodFiona]

Think about the reasons you put your son in for the test in the first place. If that was because your son liked the school great, if it was just to tick off passing a test maybe not so great. Each of your children will hopefully end up in the school that is the best fit for them, not their siblings or their peers, but for them.

For us our daughter loved the local grammar, it was our closest secondary school and it was a good fit. The comprehensive didn't have the best reputation, had less choice of GCSEs, didn't demonstrate aspiration for their students, and involved a complicated journey, whereas DD could walk to the grammar or get one bus or train.

DD did well in the grammar, she is now in the sixth form at the same school, they rarely had any lack of teachers unlike some nearby schools and found lots of very diverse friends with one thing in common - inquiring and intelligent minds.

I did have one family member who didn't talk to me for two years for sending my daughter to a grammar as it was contrary to her beliefs and felt I had betrayed the family's ethos, but hey ho, there will always be people who disagree with your opinions.

If you focus on fit then you will be applying the same 'test' to all your children, regardless of academic ability and then hopefully each will be able to achieve their best potential as the environment is the one that works for them. If there is a comprehensive that is still a good fit for him it may make it easier for the whole family, but some of it may have to be his choice?

[mad?]

Now we are here, I'm having a bit of a crisis because the local comp is so nice and supportive and has children come out of it who go to Oxbridge unis. The grammar round the corner from me is renowned for being uncompassionate and a nightmare for boys who are not sporty.

Given the choice (lucky you and well done DS!) I would always go for a good supportive school over one which is renowned for being uncompassionate.

Do I have to send him to a grammar just because he passed? Would I be putting him at a disadvantage sending him to a comp?

no and no.

He would be put in top sets for everything so he would still be educated with children who are bright and maybe missed out on GS by a mark or two. It would be really good to hear from people who have any experience with any of this!Thanks in advance

Personally your non grammar option sounds like a no brainer. However, I have no experience of your situation as we had no decent local schools that we would qualify for. Had that not been the case I would never had embarked on this whole journey. Good luck deciding, I know it is hard, but a better decision than many might face.

[Brackenboo]

I think the right ethos is more important than if it's grammar or not. We had a few grammar options and ranked some lower than the local comps as I they didn't feel like the right for my DD.

Also something else to consider is the ease of having all your children at one school. If you feel like that is where their siblings would go, then that could be a definite bonus.

[mad?]

Also something else to consider is the ease of having all your children at one school. If you feel like that is where their siblings would go, then that could be a definite bonus.

That's a very good point. We had a number of reasons for choosing DD1's school and I think it would have been our choice no matter, but the fact that the other main contender was definitely not right for DD2 and would have split them (and US) geographically was always in the back of my mind - in retrospect this would have been more of an issue than I realised at the time.

[2Socks]

I don't know where you are based, but I'm assuming that the vast majority of kids don't go to grammar and so the comprehensives are very much true comprehensives (accept the full range of abilities from the very top all the way down). If that's the case, your DC will be stretched at a good (or indeed, ok) comprehensive.
Grammar schools have a special reputation, but they're just schools with only higher ability kids. They don't get extra funding (frequently less, due to fewer PP kids), the teachers are (on average) no better and just because the kids are brighter, it doesn't mean that they are nicer, so the grammars still have to deal with bullying etc.
I'm a firm believer that you can't learn if you are stressed...if you both think he would be happier at the comprehensive, then that's brilliant. I think travel time is a major consideration...a tired child will be less relaxed and able to learn than a refreshed child.
The 'pass' he has achieved will be a good boost to his confidence and the practice he has put in will pay off in the rest of year 6 and all the exams he will take in the future, so it's not been wasted if you don't take the place.

[hermanmunster]

I don't know where you are based, but I'm assuming that the vast majority of kids don't go to grammar and so the comprehensives are very much true comprehensives (accept the full range of abilities from the very top all the way down). If that's the case, your DC will be stretched at a good (or indeed, ok) comprehensive.
.

I think this is a very important point - areas where there are good numbers of comprehensives and little access to Grammars are very different to the "single grammar and single secondary modern in the town" - examples would be North Yorkshire where there are 2 single sex grammars in Skipton with one local secondary modern (up to 16 etc) - many parents whose children don't get the GS wish that they lived in areas with good comprehensives and some embark on significant daily journeys to get the children to those types schools in other towns - has the effect of the local non-sel being even more undersubscribed . However other parts of North Yorks have little access to GS and better comprehensives.

[mike1880]

I wouldn't touch a school with a reputation for being uncompassionate with a bargepole.

Our eldest went to GS; it didn't turn out well. He would have been far better off in a good comp where he was among the high achievers, sadly we didn't have the option. Our nearest comprehensive was amongst the worst in the city, the only other comp we could be sure of getting him into had a dismal reputation for bullying - there were at least two bullying-related suicides in the time when he'd have been there. If you're happy with the comp I would go for that every time.