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PostPosted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 8:53 pm 

Joined: Sun Mar 30, 2008 10:05 pm
Posts: 660

Last edited by Glos_Mum on Sat Aug 22, 2015 12:51 am, edited 2 times in total.

 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 9:04 pm 

Joined: Tue Oct 16, 2007 9:28 am
Posts: 1123
Location: Bexley
Well said!
It's your choice on how to educate your child.
I received the same treatment last year so know exactly where you are coming from.

 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 9:29 pm 

Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2007 10:47 am
Posts: 3310
Location: Warwickshire.
It all sounds very familiar!
I was at the receiving end of some incredibly cutting remarks from colleagues - I teach in a primary school in a county which has no selective schools - and felt myself being judged as pushy and thinking myself/my child 'better' than anyone else etc etc etc.
Imagine their double disgust when we ended up accepting the independent school over the grammar school...this was judged to be the worst possible educational crime - a selective education that you have to PAY for??!! (I use the term 'pay' loosely for anyone who knows how fortunate we were!)
Ignore them if you can. YOU know why you are doing all of these things for your child and you do not need to justify your actions to anyone else.
There was only one colleague at my school who talked to me in an interested rather than disgusted tone, and whenever she initiatd a conversation about it - I never did - all heads would literally look the other way. Pathetic! And they are my 'friends'...

 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 9:23 am 

Joined: Wed Aug 13, 2008 4:25 pm
Posts: 2610
Think of it this way, we are giving our childen an opportunity and as you rightly say it may not be taken up but a couple of years on when perhaps these same parents are moaning about this and that happening or not happening in their child's school, we will know that we didn't take away our child's right to sit an exam that would place them in a school that is specifically suited to their capabilities.

Grammar schools are not for geniuses they are for children who are academically above average and who may well still struggle with some subjects that they do not have an aptitude for, who doesn't?

30 years or so ago this choice was quite rightly not left to the parents but was available to all. Many children from poor/non-educated families benifitted from this opportunity. We can't bring back the past system but is that our fault?

You are simply a parent excercising your child's rights and good for you.

PostPosted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 12:30 pm 

Joined: Tue Mar 11, 2008 5:55 pm
Posts: 132
Location: Birmingham
I agree with all that's been said so far.

In my experience with child no. 1, things were exactly as you describe.
Infact, even worse, because several parents who were critical of Grammar schools actually secretly put their children in for the exam!
I can remember a discusion with one such mother, who, just assuming my oldest son would sit for the Grammar schools, actually said that she would not subject her son to that 'sort of pressure!' That it was not 'their thing.'
I remember feeling very dubious and wondering if we as parents did indeed have ideas above our station.
Four years on and I know that the school is perfect for my son, he is happy, thriving and surrounded by like-minded boys who want to learn.

Imagine how shocked I was to discover that her son had taken the exams for the schools of which she was so very scathing! :shock:

With child no. 2, everyone just presumed that she would take the exams. I had by then developed a very thick skin and a great talent for giving very vague answers to 'nosey'questions!
People were unbelievable, even asking what preferences for schools had been listed on the form!

With child no. 3, again it was presumed that he would follow suit.
This time was quite comical, mothers who wouldn't normally chat to me suddenly were going out of their way to talk, trying to glean all the information they could! I think I managed to take 'vague' to a new level!

My advice is to remain true to yourself and your child, listen but don't take any notice of anyone else or feel that you have to explain your choices.
The majority of moms who made negative comments about Grammar schools to me, had not even been inside one, as most of these dreaded talks took place in the run up to the Open Days.

I still get negative comments now,such as what a terribly long day they all have, as they all travel a fair distance, and of course these mothers 'wouldn't let their children' travel so far!

Sorry for the rant, but your posts bring all the old feelings back, certainly with child no 1 , the school run felt like 'running the gauntlet!!'

Good Luck to everyone :lol:

 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 12:54 pm 

Joined: Thu May 01, 2008 5:27 pm
Posts: 3489
Location: london
It won't stop but you will earn who to avoid in the playground. When people 'ask' what you are doing they already know from the bush telegraph. My experience of Y6 is that you learn who your friends are and that is no bad thing. And yes, it is often people who end up applying themselves who are your harshest critics at first. I can understand people trying to 'drum up' support for the local school, as often their poor results are partly as a consequence of the more able being 'creamed off' to elsewhere. However, it is not your job to change the world (or is it? sorry for the assumption!) and it is remarkable how people feel able to freely snipe at your decisions. That said, I'm aware that my decision not to go local (I say decision but DD wouldn't have got in to our nearest three schools because she is not religous or DS - don't get me started!!!) was taken as an implicit criticism of the decisions of those parents who did, and it is form this that a lot of the sniping originates. Now in Y7 I would say that all of us parents have got a bit more perspective and have become a bit more forgiving about things we all sai d. And the ones who really don't like it I don't see and don't miss!!!
Good luck and feel free to rant whenever - I certainly found it helped!


 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 6:27 am 

Joined: Fri Mar 07, 2008 7:40 pm
Posts: 226
Location: surrey
I had a similar experience last year whilst having my son tutored for the 11 plus.
I had parents telling me they weren't going to bother going down the grammar path as it was too pressured for their boys - low and behold there they were on test day!!

I used to feel a little embaressed teling parents that my son was going down that route - almost ashamed I was putting him through the whole "ordeal"

 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 8:34 am 

Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2007 2:02 pm
Posts: 663
Location: Herts
Tell me about it!

After my DD passed her 11+ one parent - who I hardly knew & rarely spoke to anyway - felt the need to come and tell me that "for a joke" she told her son he too had got into my DD's new school. The son was apparently so devastated he cried because he hated this school so much and didn't want to go there....

Oh this was in front of DD too :roll:

 Post subject: Mel x
PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 9:39 am 

Joined: Thu Sep 14, 2006 7:32 pm
Posts: 410
Why on earther would she do that, aren't there some weird people out there.

I guess there will always be people that no matter what will be envious and jealous and she sounds like one of them otherwise why would she attempt to make you feel bad at the risk of upsetting her own child.

I have come to accept that the whole 11+ process brings with it trying and upsetting times and you haveto adopt a thick skin.


 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 9:50 am 

Joined: Wed Nov 21, 2007 4:20 pm
Posts: 4660
People's reactions never cease to amaze me.

I look upon it like this: if I went for a job interview, no-one would comment upon it. My child is going for an 'interview', they shouldn't feel the need to comment upon it.

If they do comment, it's only out of jealousy - ignore them, it's no business of theirs!!

If people ask me (which they are starting to because it's 'that time of year') their reaction is usually 'oh, why didn't we think of that!' (we live out of catchment) so, luckily, I haven't come across the hostile people.


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