expelled-what next?

[asdguest]

I am sorry to hear that things have gone so far for this girl. I often think that a good number of exclusions may well be down to problems due to undiagnosed conditions. My advice would be to see a private psychiatrist to explore the possibility of medication that could help her stay in education - a consultation would be a good investment as she would receive a proper diagnosis that could be used going forward. Also, if medication is offered it could be continued with her GP as joint supervisor via NHS. Medication is worth trying as it can make a massive difference during these difficult times for her - not all children can cope with school in the timeframe we might like and there are plenty of opportunities to catch up letter when the child is through the troubling times of adolescence. I wish her well.

[MamaBear]

Thank you asdguest, her G.P and hospital doctor feel she doesn't need medication but help and techniques to manage her behaviour.
When she has routine and firm teachers with discipline she is able to stay on task. Can you believe she was actually elbowing her teaching assistant at her indie and covering up her work so the TA couldn't see it! Her school did all they could, that TA was for her alone just to keep her on task and no extra cost to my friend.

What is really interesting is that this dd 14yrs has an elder sister 15yrs who is the complete opposite: sweet, patient, kind sensitive hard working even though she struggles a lot academically. They both were in care together at the same placement my friend, and look how different they have turned out! People can't believe they are sisters.

[asdguest]

Mamabear

I can believe it. I have a child with asd who throws their exam papers in the bin without looking at marks, who will not hand in work because they do not think it is good enough but writes to ask the teacher for a detention instead! It is low self esteem that prompts them. My asd child had to leave school eventually but now aged 23 is off to university next year! I know many GPs and hospital doctors can be reluctant to prescribe but obtaining a proper diagnosis and medication, privately initially, has been a life saver for us, my child and their siblings.

[MamaBear]

Oh wow, well done to your child and to you too, it must have taken a lot of patience on your part. My friend has an appointment coming up with the GP so I will show her your post and they can discuss what options are open for her.
I just hope she gets a school place quickly...

[solimum]

What is really interesting is that this dd 14yrs has an elder sister 15yrs who is the complete opposite: sweet, patient, kind sensitive hard working even though she struggles a lot academically. They both were in care together at the same placement my friend, and look how different they have turned out! People can't believe they are sisters.

Probably not directly relevant to your friend's case, but I recall a training session some time ago about the families of addicts, where often the oldest child takes on the role of "perfect child", doing everything right to keep the family together, while other siblings can fall into different roles (joker, rebel etc) - so if they have had a difficult start to life it is entirely plausible that they might react differently

A recent BBC documentary I watched had a pair of sisters in foster care in Dorset who were very different and found it impossible to stay at the same placement - I suspect we only saw a small amount of what the foster parents went through

[Tolstoy]

What is really interesting is that this dd 14yrs has an elder sister 15yrs who is the complete opposite: sweet, patient, kind sensitive hard working even though she struggles a lot academically. They both were in care together at the same placement my friend, and look how different they have turned out! People can't believe they are sisters.

Probably not directly relevant to your friend's case, but I recall a training session some time ago about the families of addicts, where often the oldest child takes on the role of "perfect child", doing everything right to keep the family together, while other siblings can fall into different roles (joker, rebel etc) - so if they have had a difficult start to life it is entirely plausible that they might react differently

A recent BBC documentary I watched had a pair of sisters in foster care in Dorset who were very different and found it impossible to stay at the same placement - I suspect we only saw a small amount of what the foster parents went through

It does not surprise me in the least that they are very different but I am saddened that there is an expectation that siblings should not be so radically different. Comparison can only make it worse and heighten feelings of unworthiness but we still fall into the trap of doing it. Also why assume that if they are it is environmental? Genetically we are all very different even if born to the same parents and whilst there will be environmental factors that influence how we react to situations genetic make up will be a major factor. There are just as many older siblings merrily going off the rails whilst their younger siblings are left to pick up the pieces in my experience.

[solimum]

Yes as in most things there is a complex mixture of genetics and environment (and one unavoidable aspect of environment is birth order, which can affect some personality traits but by no means determines them).

[Tolstoy]

Yes as in most things there is a complex mixture of genetics and environment (and one unavoidable aspect of environment is birth order, which can affect some personality traits but by no means determines them).

I agree but now wonder if putting labels on it is like licensing it. e.g middle child syndrome. I am seeing examples of middle children increasingly using this as an excuse to behave despicably and claiming their position in the family has led to neglect when it quite clearly hasn't.

[solimum]

The human tendency to blame other people for our failings is universal! There is a fine line between understanding (factors which might have contributed ) and condoning... Just thought it might help the OP to see other examples