Advice please
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Thank you Herman!no amber - you are not a mean old witch!
I was less concerned really with how much it would cost, than the principle of a DC behaving in this way - I do think it is rather selfish and I feel sorry for her parents. Maybe I am old-fashioned, but I do think if parents are going to have to contribute, whether financially or with lifts, support and doing the washing, they should at least be informed of what is going on, if not actively consulted.
Actually, I am definitely old-fashioned. Sigh.
Given the financial situation you describe I would guess that the parents wont be asked to contribute as there are additional loans available to students in these circumstances. But they will need to fill out alot of paperwork!
I agree that it is very sad that the daughter hasn't even discussed her plans with them - but I am also shocked that the school/college hasn't had more contact with the parents generally.
Have to say I am a big softy but even I would refuse lifts if treated this way!
Guess one should be careful not to judge the daughter's behaviour though, especially those of us who don't fully understand the situation.
Maybe providing lifts might give an opportunity for some sort of communication.
Teenager years are never easy!
I agree that it is very sad that the daughter hasn't even discussed her plans with them - but I am also shocked that the school/college hasn't had more contact with the parents generally.
Have to say I am a big softy but even I would refuse lifts if treated this way!
Guess one should be careful not to judge the daughter's behaviour though, especially those of us who don't fully understand the situation.
Maybe providing lifts might give an opportunity for some sort of communication.
Teenager years are never easy!
I didn't consult my parents when choosing a degree or uni. Neither did I have to rely on them for financial support. Remember grants. 
I did keep them informed about what I was up to but it never occurred to me I was being horrible or selfish just because I didn't consult.
I think they may have been concerned if I had consulted them, it would have appeared as lack of interest or commitment.
It seems to me, that parental financial contributions are probably as onerous to the child as the parent.
I did keep them informed about what I was up to but it never occurred to me I was being horrible or selfish just because I didn't consult.
I think they may have been concerned if I had consulted them, it would have appeared as lack of interest or commitment.It seems to me, that parental financial contributions are probably as onerous to the child as the parent.
Grants were still means tested - unless you got a 'full grant' your parents were expected to make up the difference.
Seems a shame that when making such a major decision in life some teenagers don't value the input of the people that one might hope they love & respect most (even if they don't like them all the time
I think the selfish part comes when teenagers expect support from parents but don't care enough to even let them know what their plans are.
Seems a shame that when making such a major decision in life some teenagers don't value the input of the people that one might hope they love & respect most (even if they don't like them all the time
I think the selfish part comes when teenagers expect support from parents but don't care enough to even let them know what their plans are.
Just a thought but might the daughter's lack of communication be to do with her parents' situation? She may be feeling guilty about leaving mum to cope/ worried about money / looking forward to going and feeling guilty about that etc etc. And her way of coping with that is to keep it all away from her family.
Of course if she does suddenly demand lifts with a days notice that's a bit different.
As far as funding goes, my older 2 at uni both get reasonable although not full grants to top up their loans and (so far touch wood) I haven't contributed anything to either of them. This girl should get the full amount and it's perfectly liveable on.
Of course if she does suddenly demand lifts with a days notice that's a bit different.
As far as funding goes, my older 2 at uni both get reasonable although not full grants to top up their loans and (so far touch wood) I haven't contributed anything to either of them. This girl should get the full amount and it's perfectly liveable on.
Yes, I think you might be right about the lack of communication could be to do with the situation I suppose. She doesn't have a lot of time for her dad and if I'm honest, I think she is embarrassed by her parents and her home life so I suppose this could be her way of dealing with it.C. J. wrote:Just a thought but might the daughter's lack of communication be to do with her parents' situation? She may be feeling guilty about leaving mum to cope/ worried about money / looking forward to going and feeling guilty about that etc etc. And her way of coping with that is to keep it all away from her family.
Of course if she does suddenly demand lifts with a days notice that's a bit different.
As far as funding goes, my older 2 at uni both get reasonable although not full grants to top up their loans and (so far touch wood) I haven't contributed anything to either of them. This girl should get the full amount and it's perfectly liveable on.
Her mother says that she can come across quite aggressive but doesn't mean to be she is just shy so she doesn't have a lot of friends either.
I did ask what would happen if she got a place at a uni, accepted and hadn't been to look round and went and found she didn't like it and her mother said she would just put up with it rather than having to face dealing with the alternatives - which I find very sad.
I still feel it is selfish not to involve her mother who bends over backwards to be supportive and tries to talk to her daughter about things but is always just told she asks too many questions, but then I'm not a teenager, didn't have these problems and didn't go to uni so know very little of what she is feeling.
Hopefully she will speak to her mother soon about it all and you never know she might regret not involving her earlier.
Thanks everyone for all your replies.
