I must add that it's important to figure out how best to equip your DS/DD for the real world.

Secondary education is where most kids work out their default response mechanism to real world situations and how to deal with "not-so perfect" scenarios. e.g. if you keep removing your child from a school because you heard about 1 or 2 cases of disruptive children, your child will never learn how to work through difficult circumstances while ensuring they continue to excel.

The real world out there, the world where we work, industries, the financial sector, politics etc. is not devoid of such difficulties, workplace challenges, inequalities, bullies etc. What makes some people stand out is the ability to deal with such scenarios in the real world and still excel in whatever career choices they made.

That's the aspect of life that i think your child will value the most... after all, both schools you mentioned are really great for the academics.... you might find that one's probably better suited to helping your child prepare for the real world than the other but that's your decision to make as the parent after considering all the advice on this forum.

It has to be one of the most-discussed schools on the forum, surely?

I suppose I mean things like:

They are strict about uniform and timing etc but there isn't an instant detention the second someone attends having forgotten an item of uniform (I don't want to name other schools but there is a N London school - and it isn't QE! - where I know students that have gone home rather than go into school having realised they have forgotten their blazer because they are so afraid of the consequences). It feels to me at DAO that they are more reasonable though obviously manage persistent offences.

I can't imagine either of my children being "afraid" of something at school; they respect their teachers a lot but I have never come across any tinge of fear; again some of my friends feel their children are very definitely scared of some of their teachers in their schools.

They allow students to play in the woods and around the lake (when the weather is ok) - I know many teachers who say that Health and Safety concerns would preclude that where they work.

Some of the lessons, particularly in history, are acted out in the grounds or in other ways - I know some teachers who say that if they tried that in their school, the children would be unable to settle back down to continue the lesson more formally, so they would never try. At prize giving one year, I was with 2 teachers (from different schools) who both said that at their school they would have a "silence from the minute you enter the hall" rule because achieving silence later is so difficult. They were both surprised that the students were chatting and being quite noisy until the platform party was about to arrive and they were told to be quiet - and then they were quiet.

I agree that they expect a lot of their students; I just feel the manner of those expectations is less dictatorial (probably not the best word; my vocab is defeating me today) than in other schools I know. (I am sure that other schools do all of these things too. I am only talking about my experience. Given that 90%+ of my family and 50% of my friends are teachers I hear a lot of opinions!)

Yes indeed!

Excellent Post Etondad.

Head of KS3 at DAO once told me that parents are not teaching their children resilence. They wrap them up in cotton wool and fix everything for them.

My 17 and 19 year old dds have friends of their age who have never been on a bus or a train alone as they have coaches and parents who ferry them to and from school and parties and every event in their life.

Every possible setback is fielded by their parents.

They need to learn to fail and come through it and do better next time.

I worked for a very very successful boss who had a golden life and then suddenly experienced failure in his mid 40s and did not have the coping skills to work through it.

"Things fall apart" but can be rebuilt and be better for it.

The only issue with disruption in a class is can the teacher deal with it.

If not then that is an issue but most of them can.

My dds have never in eight years complained about disruption in a class.

But I wonder how the dd who was pulled out of DAO for disruption in a class will cope when someone tries to talk over her in a business meeting. Will she sit there and wait for someone else to fix it or will she carry on talking and drown them out? DG

I have a DS in Y10 at QE and have been reading threads on this and the Independent forums but haven't commented as I can't be bothered with yet another cyber battle, but here goes.

DS is very happy at the school. He participates in lots of sports and other extra-curricular. He gets his academic work done to the required standard but doesn't worry too much about being in the top sets. He's there in some subjects and not others but this is perfectly fine for our family.

The school works to establish the rules in the first few weeks of Y7 and this may seem daunting to boys who have come from very relaxed primaries, as DS did, but they take a more relaxed approach after they know that a framework is established. The advantage of this is that disruption in classes is minimised and supports the whole learning environment.

DS has a very good rapport with many of the teachers and there is a lot of mutual respect. He has recently encountered one teacher who he finds less than ideal but has quickly learnt to deal with this character and we see this as a valuable learning experience.

The current policy of the school is that boys have to reach threshold percentage marks in internal tests in order to do triple science GCSE (boys below the threshold do double science) and to be made offers of A level subjects that they may study. Nearly all school have "minimum entry requirements", though these are usually from public examinations.

I have been told since the start of Y7, and before, that a dark shadow will imminently be cast on my son and he will start to feel unhappy at the school. Well it hasn't happened and he is still "having the time of his life". Something I wrote back at the start of Y7.

Okay. As nothing positive may be written about QE, now let's wait for the barrage of criticism from parents who don't actually have a boy at the school and an eventual lock down of the thread.

Yes. It would be lovely if this thread only contains discussions from parents at one of the schools in question and doesn’t descend into the usual arguments. If the OP has more questions about either School, then the best thing would be for those parents with DCs at either School to answer, not someone who has no connection (other than what has been read on here).
Thanks - moderator.

my instinct is that DAO is more "creative" than QEB - if you have the kind of child who is more into music/design/art and a big extra-curricular scene that would swing it for me.

We were in the same position and had to choose between certain places at QE or DAO. Both are easy to get to with one direct bus. We chose DAO and accepted their offer because we think a co-ed mixed ability and yet high achieving school is better for our son than a single sex school which some say is a bit of a hot house. Our son is not much into art or music and more into maths, science and languages. QE focuses a bit more on maths, but in science and languages both schools are excellent and comparable.

Surely QE is better from a purely academic ranking point of view but we want our son to enjoy his next 7 yrs as much as possible. The nice green outside with woodland was also sth we liked and I am sure our boy will love. QE has a great library but the library at DAO seems a bit more accessible for the kids right from the start. DAO had and has a few older buildings but got recently new music, technology and science blocks and a new teaching block will also soon replace another older building. The annual funding from the Worshipful Company of the Brewers ensures DAO has a bit more money than some other schools. QE has some interesting extracurricular activities few other schools have, like fencing. DAO also seems to have a lot going on.

Anyway, had we not got DAO, we would have no hesitation to send him to QE. Both are great schools!

Thank you all so much for your invaluable posts.

I have already responded but it hasn’t appeared for some reasons so am sending something again.

Particularly good to hear positive comments about QE from someone who knows and advice from those with DDs and DSs at DAO.

DS is engaged in lots of activities in primary school so I am assuming he will continue. He loves most sports especially cross country, football, swimming, table tennis (not tried rugby yet) and also music and chess. I think he’ll also be interested in drama.

Although only eleven he has his chosen career in mind for which he needs maths and science A levels but I’m aware this will probably change. I think he’s actually better at English and did a lot better in English during the tests. He scored 243 for QE with a much higher English mark.

I think he is quite an individual and don’t want him to lose this. He’s definitely sociable and confident.

He had a bit of a meltdown on the day of the DAO test so we didn’t think he had a hope of a place hence not visiting the school - that’s a very big mistake I know. My gut instinct is that DAO is better for him and I think it was his too initially.

My friend’s DS actually loves DAO despite the parent thinking the school isn’t amazing!

He’s definitely not wrapped in cotton wool and I agree with the comments about resilience and living in the real world. I guess I was more worried that if people were being silly and disruptive he may be more likely to join in, whereas my impression is that this is stamped upon quite quickly at QE.

I feel much happier about both schools now.

Still undecided but all the posts are much appreciated.