Frustrated....

frustratedmummy · Post by **frustratedmummy** » Thu Oct 22, 2009 12:52 am

Hi new here, don't know if I have come to the right place, if not then feel free to boot me off

Looking for some advice, support regarding my Year 3 DD. We have the 11+ in our area and think could be an option in the future for my DD. I wonder if any of you could advise me. My DD left year 2 on level 3b which I understand to be a reasonably high level. She is on the YG and T register, though feel is possibly not getting the adequate support at school and her needs are not being met.

I don't want to come across as a pushy parent, though am so happy to have a child who loves school, learning etc, I wish I loved school so much when I was a child

but am really confused at what I should be doing to support my child's obvious love of learning.

Thanks for listening

SSM · Post by **SSM** » Thu Oct 22, 2009 10:30 am

Hi frustratedmum,

If you scroll further down on the main index page of the forum, you will see all the different areas, you will be better off posting in the section relevant to your area, as the 11+ differs around the country.

Good luck.

frustratedmummy · Post by **frustratedmummy** » Thu Oct 22, 2009 10:42 am

Thank you, I shall have a gander, hope I don't get lost

KB · Post by KB » Thu Oct 22, 2009 12:07 pm

I wouldn't focus too much on 11 plus yet but as you mentioned, build on your child's love of learning.
Do speak to the school about what support she is getting as a result of being on the G&T register (in many schools it isn't very much!) but at home it might be better to stretch sideways as much as 'up' the curriculum.
Encourage problem solving/thinking skills, reading and talking about classic children's literature, application of maths skills etc.
Depending on your circumstances(financial,time,other children, working relationship with DD...) it could be worth having a tutor if you can find someone suitable who will take this approach rather than just start coaching. I wouldn't say it was necessarily the best option though.
Hope you get lots of help & advice on the forum!

frustratedmummy · Post by **frustratedmummy** » Thu Oct 22, 2009 1:30 pm

Thank you for some brilliant advice

Yes the YG and T doesnt really mean much to me, DD has not been to any of their learning days. I have heard that being on the YG and T does mean DD is listed as having a special need. Though I really am happy with the acedemic side of things would be lovely to encourage her artistic side, my favourite

music, art, drama, dance etc.

Kumon has been mentioned but don't know much about it. As for a tutor I feel if she is doing well then why does she need a turtor, also I think she is in my opinion a little young. I basically wonder if there is anything I can do as her parent to support the school. She is in a mixed class, year 2 and year 3, don't know if anyone has any experiences of mixed classes.

We have brought it up with the school, but sometimes I walk out even more confused than when I went in.

KB · Post by KB » Thu Oct 22, 2009 2:21 pm

Hi again

Unfortunately state primaries often stuggle to allocate sufficient time to the artistic side but in some ways this can be a 'fun' way to spend time out of school - at a local Saturday morning drama class maybe? Does your school have a visiting instrumental teacher ? - we are quite well served in our area with a good local Saturday music school as well.

I dont have any experience of Kumon but haven't heard anything very complementary. Might be worth starting a specific thread to get opinion on the forum?

I agree that you dont need a tutor & as a parent there are lots of educational games & activities you can do to encourage thinking skills etc.
There is a good catalogue/internet site but I'm not allowed to mention names - try a google search?

If your daughter starts to become disallusioned with school work through boredom then a tutor might help her maintain her enthusiasm for academic work, if not for school! I certainly wouldn't advocate ' coaching' - more someone who will encourage her love of learning and make her feel her skills are valued.

I dont approve of young children having over inflated egos because they have been blessed with a good brain but some schools go to the other extreme and bright children can stop working because they dont want to stand out - depending on your daughter's character, one-to-one sessions with a good tutor could help her to appreciate the value of making the most of her talents.

My youngest DS was in mixed age classes for a while & it was fine when he was in the lower year but not in the top year! I think it takes a very good teacher to sufficiently differentiate every lesson for such a wide ability range. It can also be difficult socially because friends move classes at different times. We moved my DS before year 6 but if your DD is bright then I would want to be sure there will be sufficient 'stretch' in year 6.

Most schools would welcome offers of support from parents so its a shame 'communication' isn't great. I have a fair amount of experience of working in schools as well as having 3 children with SLDs and have to say that many teachers have a tendancy to be defensive if they think they are being challenged by a parent - the very best teachers dont!
It sounds like you have tried not to give them this impression at all but I guess because they do have to deal with 'pushy' and 'disgruntled' parents quite a bit teachers can just assume you are being critical.
I never worry about asking very basic questions of teachers - even at the risk of appearing stupid! - or having them explain things in simple terms if they slip into jargon. With some staff this is a skill they develop, similar to politicians

In my experience , as long as you are polite & reasonable the good staff are happy to explain and appreciate all the parental support they can get!

Not knowing what your situation is it may not be possible, but if you were able to offer to help in the school in some way that would benefit all the children - not necessarily in your child's class - it might help demonstrate that you are supportive of the school? If you are good at Art/Music/Drama maybe offer to help with Christmas production in some way? Or a few hours a week helping with Art/Craft in the classroom?

I do hope you manage to sort out communication with the school - I know from experience what a difference it makes!

frustratedmummy · Post by **frustratedmummy** » Thu Oct 22, 2009 4:43 pm

Thank you KB for a very articulate and informative reply. Yes you hit the nail on the head regarding sometimes teachers becoming a little defensive, we have experianced that. The Kumon have been to DDs school and the school seem to think it is a good thing but then I wonder, aren't kumon doing a job the school should be. I was not very acedemic more arty, and feel I have to at least try to support my DDs love of learning and assume that the school do too. But for children who possibly like my DD is, working ahead of her year group, should she be kept at the same level as her peers for social and pastoral reasons or should she be *stretched* a little. I find it all so confusing.

Good advice regarding helping out at school, I have a younger pre schooler who is keeping me busy at the moment but definately something to think about for the future.

Thanks

Post by **mad?** » Thu Oct 22, 2009 4:58 pm

frustratedmummy wrote:Thank you KB for a very articulate and informative reply. Yes you hit the nail on the head regarding sometimes teachers becoming a little defensive, we have experianced that. The Kumon have been to DDs school and the school seem to think it is a good thing but then I wonder, aren't kumon doing a job the school should be. I was not very acedemic more arty, and feel I have to at least try to support my DDs love of learning and assume that the school do too. But for children who possibly like my DD is, working ahead of her year group, should she be kept at the same level as her peers for social and pastoral reasons or should she be *stretched* a little. I find it all so confusing.

Good advice regarding helping out at school, I have a younger pre schooler who is keeping me busy at the moment but definately something to think about for the future.

Thanks

Not sure how to help with most of this although I would echo the comments about offering support to the school outside the context of your child as a way of demonstrating that you are 'on side' rather than critical. With regard to Kumon, if your DD is already ahead then I cannot see the advantage of it. In my experience Kumon can be a very effective tool for those children who are struggling to get on top of the basics and need them 'bedding in' but from what you say this is not your DD's problem. IMO Kumon is not at the interesting/creative/stretching end of things and if you want to keep her lifelong love of learning there may be other extra curricular activites which offer more scope for her abilities, as mentioned above.

Sally Herts · Post by **Sally Herts** » Thu Oct 22, 2009 7:47 pm

My personal feeling is to steer clear of any subjects they do at school. If she's bright, she'd be bored to tears to be accelerated at home (eg Kumon), then forced to sit through tedious maths at school.

I think you're better to eg avoid Hampton Court if they're studying The Tudors at school. Instead, look for things that they don't cover at school. You mention arty things - if I were you, I'd focus on that. Or ask her what her interests are.

I guess the teachers have such a wide range in any one class. Very good point about not alienating them.

moved · Post by **moved** » Fri Oct 23, 2009 12:06 am

Hi, I introduced writing as a hobby at home. DD wrote poetry, stories and illustrated them. DS took up violin, piano and chess with the computer.
I did also up sticks and take them to France so that they were educated in a foreign language. That certainly provided academic stimulation!