Random question but what would you do?

[Chelmsford mum]

My almost fourteen yr old has always been"made" to have a small breakfast under protest since the age of 11.She has never been a large eater.I have always felt breakfast is very important, sets you up for the day, blah blah.
For the last year this has been only a glass of milk as she says she feels too nauseous and tired to eat in the morning.This is getting more of a battle.This morning because I was occupied with finding 11 yr old's buss pass and getting 5 yr old up, she sneaked out of the house without even the milk.
Here's the thing.She is nearly 14! I could stand over her and make sure she drinks it but she eats lunch and they have a canteen if she is really hungry before then.I eat breakfast just out of discipline.I don't really want it either and do skip it at times.
I can't be standing over her much longer...surely.She is nearly as big as me!
I feel it is time to let this go but nagging voice says "dereliction of mummy duties. They should eat breakfast etc"
Trivial quesion sorry Don't have any friends with teenage girls.Boys it would seem, could eat five cooked breakfasts each day

So what would you do?

[jingle]

My daughter (13 and a half) is the same. Leaves house at 7.30 and not really hungry early in the morning. She takes a packed lunch and I also give her a cereal bar for the bus or break time. I am a bit wary of making a big deal about food issues and turning things into a battle (easily done at this age with her) and just try to encourage sensible choices without too much pressure. Some of her friends are already displaying some worrying 'self image' issues regarding weight, which is a bit scary. Anyway, this is my approach. Not sure how 'right' it is but working so far for us.
p.s Eats for England when she gets home!

[Nathair]

My eldest is only 10, and half the time would skip breakfast if she could. She will eat a cereal bar though, it takes a while but she does get through it, and at least it's something in her belly before school. Could you try something like those special k bite things (other breakfast snacks are available) She could take them and eat them on her way to school maybe.

[Looking for help]

This is very worrying, CM. We had a very similar situation last year, with our daughter who is now about to be 16. She seemed to lose a lot of weight very quickly, and I got myself into such a state about it. Luckily my older daughter was able to keep an eye on her and report back to me her eating habits at school etc so I was aware that she was eating, albeit small amounts. Things finally came to a head when she started fainting at school, so the importance of breakfast was kind of drummed in to her by the school matron, GP and ourselves. We don't have a lot of time in the morning, so a large breakfast is out of the question, but we soon agreed on things like cereal bars . In fact I have turned her into an incredibly fussy eater by making sure we always have things she likes to eat in the house. She used to eat everything put in front of her, but no more

Also worth noting, are her friends very thin? My daughter's friends are all tiny compared to her and I think she became self conscious about her size, so without making a deliberate attempt to lose weight, she stopped eating quite so much as she was before. Girls at this age are very funny, and so caught up by what they look like. I also thought that Ms Cole on the X Factor was doing her no help as a role model either

However it must have been a phase, because she has now put all the lost weight back on My youngest got a Wii fit for his birthday and this calculates BMI for you - I was afraid hers would be schockingly low, but actually it was fine. As long as we have all the things she likes to eat in the house, she is eating them.
My advice to you is to try and entice your daughter with something she can take with her on the bus or to school, and try really hard not to make a fuss (the hardest bit), but keep a watchful eye on her. I'm sure like our daughter it is just a phase teenage girls go through but it is still a big worry.

Hopefully everything will sort itself out.
Take care,
LFH

[Marylou]

If she is happy and healthy otherwise, and eats well the rest of the time, I would say let this one go as she clearly isn't a "breakfast" person, unlike those of us who climb the walls unless we get our fix of fruit and fibre or muesli! Perhaps at the next parents' evening you could ask her teachers if she seems to have any concentration problems in the mornings, as that is said to be one of the main consequences of missing breakfast. You say that the canteen is available before lunch and that she visits it sometimes, another possibility is to give her a cereal bar or piece of fruit, or possibly even some milk in a flask, to have as a quick snack mid-morning.

One of the best tips I picked up recently about parenting teenagers is to choose your battles carefully, and since you (like me!) have younger ones to worry about then it might be better to let her take the lead on this one - not letting her win exactly, but live with her choice, deal with the consequences and perhaps come up with an alternative solution for having something to eat before lunchtime. Maybe she sees it as a kind of control battle, so if she thinks you're not bothered she might even start to see the other side of the argument.

Best of luck!

xx

[Marylou]

Just to add to my message and in the light of LFH’s reply, if the problem seems to be an unwillingness to eat in general then that is indeed cause for concern. However you are the one who knows your daughter best and can tell whether the problem really is just a morning thing, which is possible as she could take after you. I had a terrible time a couple of years ago with an over-zealous school nurse who was convinced that my DD was anorexic, simply because she was so much smaller than her friends and showing signs of being a late developer. When I argued that DD generally ate loads and could devour an entire Hut pizza by herself she gave me the “oh they’re very good at hiding itâ€

[hermanmunster]

heck bet not use the munster household as an example as haven't really had a clue what 12 year old DD has eaten for breakfast since she was about 5....

Seriously though I agree about chosing your battles. Food consumption is a huge problem between parents and children and the kids can be unbelievably stubborn as they know how to wind up the parents (from the age of about 2 weeks I reckon ).
I see lots of very healthy kids with apparent eating problems who really are best left to their own devices (difficult for parents I know ) but if parents can try and ignore it all - just for a while it might just solve itself.
Yrs Herman ( who was taken to the doctor as a child cos she didn't eat ....)

[T.i.p.s.y]

I never ate breakfast even when I was in reception (what were you thinking mum? )and all the way through senior school. I think the idea of a cereal bar to take on the bus is a good idea, and although they are expensive an innocent smoothie as they are packed with goodness and calories. Why not offer this as a compromise that she has to eat either on the bus or before starting lessons. I wonder if you could chat to her about being worried that she is setting a bad example for her siblings because breakfast is so important. Don't know how you could word this without making her feel bad.

I now eat breakfast because I am so hungry in the morning when I wake up from a day of dieting the day before!

[Milla]

haev never liked breakfast, then or now, never hungry til 2 or 3 in the afternoon. Boys (13 and nearly 11) much the same. They'll grudgingly eat a muffin (with peanut butter and almond butter, one on each half, fuss pots) or a bowl of cereal - the older without milk. He I have to give calcium tablets since he will not, and never has, touch milk, cheese, butter. They eat well the rest of the time, just aren't hungry at that time and since I am the same, I can't and won't make them. As others have mentioned, if it is indicative of a wider thing then, yes, more worrying. I think the idea of getting her on side re: siblings is a good one. You'll know if she's healthy or not.

[yoyo123]

Yrs Herman ( who was taken to the doctor as a child cos she didn't eat ....)

This is not a problem I have ever had!!

My motto is Life is something which happens between meals.