So mean...Any advice?

DS · Post by DS » Fri Mar 12, 2010 6:58 pm

My DC has recently been successful in obtaining a place at a Chelmsford GS.

Problem ...
A pupil at DC's junior school has also secured a place at the GS & sadly this pupil is being absolutely horrid to my DC.
The pupil has told my DC that they can not be friends at the school. They have also told my DC that she will struggle at the GS. This is despite my DC comfortably securing their place, positioned in the mid 40's.
This is just a few of the hurtful remarks made & although I can not be certain, I feel strongly that the pupil is repeating what they have heard from their parents.
My DC does not appear concerned but is informing me of the comments.
I am concerned, particularly if the comments are coming form a parent, but I do not know how to address the matter or if I should bother to address it at all.

I was so pleased for their success & I can not understand why they are being so horrid to my DC.

I would welcome any advice on this matter.

Chelmsford mum · Post by **Chelmsford mum** » Fri Mar 12, 2010 7:08 pm

I would take your cue from your daughter and if she continues not to be bothered, it will surely die a death.
CCHS is a fab school and does the induction process wonderfully well.I know it is hard to believe but they lose their primary connections sooo quickly and make new friends.
Let her go to the sporting afternoons even if she isn't sporty.By the time both my daughters got to Sept they already felt part of the school.
Don't worry about the struggling comment.With two daughters in two different years and coming in different positions, it all makes no difference when they are there.

Please pm me if you have any specific questions that I can reassure you about and well, well done.

marigold · Post by **marigold** » Fri Mar 12, 2010 7:21 pm

I sometimes think this 11plus business can bring the worst in people. I certainly have been guilty of a few smug and uncharitable thoughts in the last week or so.

Perhaps your daughter's class mate has overheard something, but as Chelmsford Mum says, your daughter seems to be dealing with it in a very mature way and I would let her take the lead in this one.
She and you can hold your heads high knowing that she has done incredibly well and will continue to do so. I have every faith in the system, I think the selection process is so tight that it leaves far too many out rather than lets anyone in who shouldn't be there.
My daughter went to the school with two others from her junior school and they were all put in different classes so the chances of your daughter and the other child being in the same class are quite slim anyway.

Good luck and I hope all this blows over very quickly. Soon it will be Sats for everyone to get their knickers in a twist about.

Milla · Post by **Milla** » Fri Mar 12, 2010 7:37 pm

marigold wrote:so the chances of your daughter and the other child being in the same class are quite slim anyway.

but mention it to the school anyway!

I hate this sort of behaviour. Your daughter is being an angel, the other child is being a brat. Take comfort in your daughter's superior attitude!

Chelmsford mum · Post by **Chelmsford mum** » Fri Mar 12, 2010 7:45 pm

Milla wrote: Your daughter is being an angel, the other child is being a brat.

No c'mon ...stop sitting on the fence like that!

KB · Post by KB » Fri Mar 12, 2010 7:47 pm

If it continues after the Easter holiday I would definately contact the school & ask if your DD can be put in a different form to other girls from her primary school. I imagine that the school will 'cotton on' & I would only go into detail if pushed.

Fran17 · Post by **Fran17** » Fri Mar 12, 2010 8:39 pm

You should be very proud that your DC is confiding in you - you are obviously very close! Your DC is handling things very well but I also think it would be a good idea to ask if they could be in separate forms if this behaviour carries on.

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moved · Post by **moved** » Fri Mar 12, 2010 8:44 pm

Poor you, well done to your DD for winning her place and also for being so mature about the other girl. I, too, would request that the girls are not in the same form. The form groups used to be alphabetical, but now they are random so it would be easy to ensure that the girls are not in the same form.

DS · Post by DS » Fri Mar 12, 2010 9:11 pm

Thank you all for you replies & words of wisdom

I do now feel at lot calmer about the situation. I know it is better to ignore the comments, it's just the thought that the pupils' parents probably made the comments that has bothered me

. I could be mistaken in this thought but some of the remarks are so mature you would only expect to hear them from an adult.
I will chat with DC & see if they want me to act on class separation. I will also take a 'leaf out of their book' & keep a dignified silence ... even if it kills me

DS

Chelmsford mum · Post by **Chelmsford mum** » Fri Mar 12, 2010 9:34 pm

I really think there is a good chance it will all pass.
It is a very stressful time of year and perhaps their daughter had a much lower ranking and her parents are speaking out of "sour grapes."

Last year my middle DD had difficulties with her close friend who didn't make it to one of the grammars and she started saying "alll the people who go to grammar are stuck up/ rich etc" Again some of the comments sounded very "adult" and like the parents consoling their daughter.
I was upset and so was she, but it passed in a couple of weeks and they remain good friends.
It is not an excuse but it is a terribly stressful time.Hopefully the worst is over.