Children's Choices - How Would You Deal With It?

[Snowdrops]

Last week I posted that my dd was toying with the idea of being a journalist. This brought forth some comments of horror (don't worry, we didn't take it personally ) on dd's possible choice (we did establish that not all writers are the same though ).

Anyhow, over the weekend something else happened, concerning possible choices of career (a totally different one to journalism), and I wondered how others would deal with it.

'It' being when they say they're interested in doing, say, journalism, and you don't think it's either a 'good' career or even a suitable career. Are you of the opinion that it's the individual's choice and therefore they have free will over what they do, and where they do it. Or would you purposely put them off it? What if it were other members of your close family - would you take notice of what they said, or would you carry on encouraging your child?

.......... and whilst we're at it, what constitutes a 'good' career (in your eyes). Is it only Drs/Surgeons and Solicitors/Lawyers who get all the glory, or do we include, say, nurses/midwives and teachers as being 'good', Where do we draw the line and say well that career's ok, but it's not a 'good' career. Indeed at which point do we say it's not a career - it's a job and only a means of bringing the money in?

I think we shall be going through many agonies over the next few years with regards to career choices - she's only year 8 now - goodness knows how many she'll go through by the time her final choice is made

[scarlett]

I think its so hard these days, Snowdrops, because children have to make choices re subjects for GCSE so early......how can they possibly know what they want to do as an adult....when they are still learning who they are as a person ? I think even at 18 it is very young. I often wonder how many directions my life might have taken.......I am a nurse, but there are other things I might have liked to do,which I can't do now because I am only qualified in one thing.Likewise my husband wanted to become a graphic designer, but his mother told him there was no point because it was too difficult to get into so he lrft home and joined the army.......when I see his amazing drawings it makes me feel so very sad...it's such a waste.

I think the key would be to remain inpartial.Encourage your daughter to do well at school and keep her options open, but don't make a big thing of putting her off......they usually work it out for themselves given space.

I think a good career is not always one which is highly paid or deemed a great accolade....but one which you enjoy and therefore give 100 percent and which makes a difference to the people you meet.We all know of the friendly, funny and helpful person who might work in Tescos but with whom can make your day.....in my eyes they are the " special people ".

[hermanmunster]

It is absolutely and totally their choice.

.....the parent is there to grit their teeth.

OK you can "explore" DC's thoughts on it, provide info, get them some work experience (with a bit of luck it will put them off ), suggest some options. But the saddest things I hear are when people aren't allowed to do what they want...

Most of the girls I was at school with did degrees and I suspect very few are working in a subject related to the degree and most are not in the "career" they planned at school - I suppose the important bit is flexibility and the ability to change track..

[yoyo123]

I left school at 17 because I refused to consider being a teacher..

Master yoyo wanted to be a guard dog at 3yrs old

[scarlett]

I left school at 17 because I refused to consider being a teacher..

Master yoyo wanted to be a guard dog at 3yrs old

Actually, children do seem to follow a pattern with their career choice....they start off with something ridiculous, but cute,then it's usually the same career as one of their parents, then something you feel might be completely unachievable and then something which worries you !!! I'm sure if like Herman says you make sure they can make an informed decision, then everything will work out ok.

[chicko-mum]

I'd listen to the advice of friends and family of course, but would do my own research and make up my own mind about whatever they said on a particular career - just like any other subject - and explore the possibilbities with my DC (even if quietly employing tactics to put DC off a particular choice ). It has to be the DC's choice in the end, they are the one who has to feel motivated by their job. A career is not fixed in stone, they can change company/job, retrain, set up on their own... I would hope that I'd be supportive rather than risk alienating them or creating a life-long regret for me and/or DC.

[Plum]

DS is rather good at art and wants to go to art school and be a car designer (he loves Top Gear!). I have pointed out to him that whilst you can earn a good living with art, the competition is very stiff. And as for being a car designer - most people only actually design bits of the insides such as the knobs and cup holders!

However, if this is really what he wants to do (and he is only 12), then we'll support him (spiritually and maybe a little bit financially, if we can). At the moment, he's costing us a fortune in art equipment but I'm hoping this interest will lead into more of an engineering type career!

DD (who is eight), said, when we went to Oxford for the day, that she wanted to study maths, maths, maths and oh, Spanish there, when she was older! We will see....

I'm 41 and still don't know what career I want!

Plumx

[lmd]

.......... and whilst we're at it, what constitutes a 'good' career (in your eyes). Is it only Drs/Surgeons and Solicitors/Lawyers who get all the glory,

For some people, not even that is good enough! My XH has informed me that if the DCs "only" become lawyers or accountants, he will consider that "a failure."

Fortunately for them, I don't care in the slightest what they become as long as it makes them happy. Having had a high-flying, well-paid job in the City myself, which made me so unhappy I would walk to work in tears every morning, I know that it's just not worth it. Far better to be true to yourself.

DS1 currently thinks he'd like to be a marine biologist, micro-biologist, artist, graphic designer or chef. DS2 wants to be a lego designer or mathematician. All fine by me.

[mystery]

I think that these days putting a child off a particular career could actually make them want to do it more.

Also, I think that there are careers that make us groan inwardly but, if they really suit the individual and they really want to do it, then there will be no problem if it comes to pass. And having a go at something and failing is no bad thing either.

Maximum amount of information on all the different careers available and what you need to do and be like to get into them will be my maxim. It's one thing a teenager deciding to be an actress and then being long-term unemployed if they knew the drawbacks at the outset, it's another thing them turning round and saying they hadn't realised it could be so difficult.

Advising on keeping options open, stressing that you need several strings to your bow, something to fall back on, transferable skills, learn to be adaptable etc etc ------ all better than saying "you will go on the stage over my dead body". Helping a child (an older one than this) to see where their strengths lie and which ones they would have to develop or go beyond their comfort zone in for particular careers is also helpful, but not pressurising.

I wish I had followed some of my dreams rather than going down the safe choices my parents subtly steered me down ---- I would have loved to be a journalist!

[PB Mum]

I agree, mystery...keeping options open is so important...I'm hoping my 2 will keep a broad base of subects for as long as possible. My daughter's so wise to the reverse psychology that I don't try that too much any more. We did laugh when she came home last week, having dissected the heart again, wanting to be a surgeon...I suggested 'divorce laywer to the stars' as her prime reading matter is Hello! magazine, she's always looking out for a good deal and has to have the last word!

You only really do a job well if it's what you want to do, and you're happy doing it - stay flexible (and brave) enough to change if it doesn't turn out the way you thought...