Is it me or does anyone else feel a bit overwhelmed ?

[scarlett]

I know lots of people have bigger stresses re not getting schools etc but I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by the whole secondary school business.It all seems a bit scary and I'm worrying that ds will cope academically....getting the bus without getting squashed as flat as a pancake....doing everything properly, I suppose.

It's made worse because ds is so stoic and I always know if something is troubling him, but when asked he will just reply "nuffings wrong " whilst there are tears welling and I suppose I'm thinking he won't tell me if he's worried by anything.

Anyone else feel the same when their child started and did everything work out ok ?

[tiredmum]

I felt exactly the same - First the elation of passing, then for us there was an over-sub appeal, then the joy of it being successful! I thought great noting else to worry about! Well then i just started on most of the things you mentioned. Dd was a star at primary and i knew she'd have to be a small fish once again, and would she cope with the work, the new friendships, the bus, missing primary! ahhh so many things. She is in the middle of yr 7 and the answer to all those "will she cope" is on the whole YES. There is the occassional wobble but mostly its been great for her and will be for your ds. Enjoy the last few moths of year 6- they do change and grow up in yr 7 - and the last few months at primary are special.

[Uberyummymummy]

Aaww, bless him. I know what you mean. My DD will be getting a train and then walking about a mile from the station. She is only 10. Her birthday's in July, so she'll have only just turned 11 and she is tiny. She looks about 6 years old and I'm worried she'll be kidnapped or something. I'm also really worried about her crossing roads and think I'm going to have to follow her, without her knowing, and hope she won't spot me - just until she grows up a bit - aged 16 or something

I shouldn't be like this as I have a 15 year old DD, so it's not as if it's first-time round for me. It's just that DC are so different aren't they; DH has joked for ages that she won't be able to go to secondary school because she's too small, so they'll keep her on another year at primary school.

[pheasantchick]

Definitely overwhelmed.

[scarlett]

It's good to know it's not just me !
Tiredmum...I'm glad your dd settled in ok and is enjoying secondary school and Uber y m I think I will be worse when my dd starts......maybe you could disguise yourself as a bush and follow her at a safe distance ! I think familiarisation is the key, once they know their route and meet new classmates they will feel better and so then will you ! I was tiny when I started secondary and I think it helped because all the older girls thought I was rather sweet and would look after me...if that's any comfort ! Is she going with her older sister ?

Pheasantchick...you will feel better once you know which school ds is going......

[Uberyummymummy]

No, unfortunately she'll be going to a different school, so not with her sister. Only one other girl from her current school.

You're right about her being fussed over for being tiny. Her peers baby her now - they pick her up as if she's a tot! I only hope it still works in her favour at secondary school. I also hope they'll be able to supply her with a uniform small enough - although she wears tops her age, she is so skinny that she wears age 6/7 skirts and trousers. She is the smallest girl in her class and is about the same height as the year 2 children.

[cinnamon]

Scarlett, I really sympathise. The more you think about it, the more things you find to worry about. Is your son apprehensive at all? I think they finish Year 6 full of confidence and on such a high and then it's on to the start of something unfamiliar.

My younger daughter's in her second year at secondary school now. When told the school will shuffle the classes round next year she said. "Oh, but I love our class".
This is the girl who refused to go to school on her second day there (I had almost physically dragged her to the bus stop but couldn't actually get her on the bus) because, though she claimed she wasn't well, her actual reason was she 'had no friends and nobody liked her' (only one girl from her primary is at her school). Ironically, making friends was the only thing I hadn't been concerned about.

As you can imagine, that was a pretty rough start to the school year but she got through it, has made some lovely friends, is doing well with her work and has even developed a fair amount if independence: she now knows various different routes home depending on which friends she catches a bus with.

You've got to be prepared for a few things going wrong but, with luck, it won't be anything major. What makes it particularly tough is you're now one step removed from everything, unlike primary school where, presumably, you know all the teachers and children. An induction day should certainly help your son, if not you!

Oh, just remembered, when my daughter wouldn't tell me why she didn't want to go to school I suggested she write it down and leave a piece of paper on the kitchen table. Maybe you could try that.

Good luck for September.

[mad?]

I think the period between knowing your school allocation and actually starting can be a very strange haitus. All the adrenilin of results day and then suddenly it's back to normal, except now, although you know what the elephant in the room is, you still cannot do anything about it! I anticipated probelms with my DD2 as she was the only one from her school going to her high school and I think she did begin to feel a little left out from some of the activities in primary during this period. Personally my feeling (and perhaps this was because she was my youngest) was a desire to bring it on and get any problems there might be out of the way, rather than to just worry and speculate about what they might be. Of course this was not possible and so I just worried and anticipated for 6 months! We had induction days etc and whilst these went well I did wonder how much worse they might have made it if DD had not enjoyed them! The long and short of it was that I (and maybe she!) found it an unsettling time but that once one day was under her belt she was absolutely fine. The lesson being (especially in view of Cinnamon's post) that you can't really know if there are going to be problems and so you have to just try and put all those worries and concerns in a mental box marked 'September' and leave them until then. Hmmm, easier than it sounds and I certanly didn't manage to do it. I kept sane by reminding myself how I would be feeling if we were not in this situation.

[wurzel]

I think it's probably wise to anticipate a few wobbles scarlett, though most children settle remarkably easily. Nearly all those of my acquaintance took to their increased responsibilities with amazing confidence and enthusiasm. Our second son settled from day one, though he has suffered a bit from tiredness and has developed a rude streak along with his independence!

However... we expected the move to secondary school to be totally straightforward with our older DS. He has an anxious, highly-strung personality, but had been very happy at a small, cosy primary school where he never had a single problem. He completely fell apart on starting secondary, and was aggressive, miserable and even violent at home for about 18 months. It was a nasty time. I have never discovered exactly what the problems were, but I think they stemmed from emotional immaturity and fear of the new environment. Like your child, mine would never talk to me about emotional problems.

I think this is a pretty extreme example, but I know from talking to staff at the time that quite a few children have significant difficulty adjusting. One thing I would say is that you are far more likely to hear from all the parents of the ones who love their new school so, if there are any problems, it's easy to think you are the only parent with an unhappy child. Should say that DS1, now in year 9, finally settled in and is doing well, with several lovely friends. He still isn't that keen on school as a concept, but I think he quite likes it there really!

[sp]

DS (now year 11) was a wreck before he started at Grammar. He also had been at a small village primary so anything was going to be HUGE for him. He worried about everything, leaving old school, friends etc, getting the bus, where to go, getting lost.... the list is endless. All you can do is try and talk through all aspects; he may be worrying about only one thing, or maybe all of them. Do you know an older child who goes to the school? You could perhaps take your DS round and chat about some of the things he mentions, or just a general chat about the school. I'm sure most other parents would be happy to help.
Do as much as you can to help him as soon as poss; maybe take him on the bus one morning so he gets used to the ride, getting off, where to go etc. You may have to do this in the summer term if it's a school bus not running in the hols.
I have to say my DS settled well in a couple of weeks and now is insistent that he stays there for 6th form. Other boys who were much more confident before starting secondary, actually found it more daunting as they thought it was going to be a doddle, then had a shock!