Petty bullying at independent school

[stressedmum!]

Hi, I was hoping someone out there could give me some advice. My DD goes to an indie school and is in yr 7. She has three children in her class that are constantly calling her names etc. pretty petty stuff but it is getting her down, big time. She has gone from a very happy child to an unhappy one in a matter of months We haven't approached the sch about it yet as we would like her to try and deal with it herself, and we don't want it escalating into something more serious. She is very bright and stands out a bit so we think this may be the cause. She sat 11+ but didn't do quite well enough on the day, but is it worth contacting grammars to see if they have any places for yr 8? We live in Essex so the grammars are super selective so we doubt this could be an option. Any advice would be appreciated as I feel at the end of my tether!!

[yogkruti]

Think you should contact the Head Teacher immediately.

Feel sorry for the kid. Hope the situation is resolved quickly.

In this matter the independent vs grammar school thought is pointless (in my opinion).

This could happen in any school.

[jingle]

Hi stressedmum

I am just about to go to work, but didn't want to leave your post unanswered. Sorry if it seems a bit brief.
Having experienced this with our dd, I would definitely recommend that you do contact and go in to the school about this before it escalates. I took the 'let's see how it pans out' approach initially, and it developed into a serious problem which caused deep distress to my dd and our whole family. It all started with name calling, excluding her etc

It is still bullying whether it gets worse or stays the same. A clear message needs to be given to the children involved that it is not acceptable and that it WILL be dealt with if it continues. Now is the best time to tackle it, before she begins to lose confidence and self esteem.

My dd was not really telling me the full extent of what was going on, although she became very miserable,. withdrawn and constantly asking why 'no one liked her' To cut a very long story short she ended up having councilling and being withdrawn from the school (by which time the school were involved, but it was not enough, as all the kids had joined in)

In short, I would urge you to address this. Take it out of your dds hands and approach the school together. It is a large burden for a child to carry, and she needs to have visable support from you and the school. I know to our detriment how damaging it can be to underestimate the effects this can have if it continues, or escalates.

Sorry it's a bit rambling, but your post really struck a chord with me. If I had acknowledged the problem sooner it may have been 'nipped in the bud' and had a much better outcome.

Wishing you and your dd very well, and please contact the school as you have everything to gain by doing so.

[vasu]

My ds went through this name calling( teacher's rephrased it as simple banter) in year 1!!! We were new to the country hence the racist "banter " from his classmates. I am glad that I made enough hue and cry in the school and with the bullies parents. The situation became better but did not entirely go away. Finally fed up of all this my little boy took the matter in his own hand....frankly it should not come to this. It is the job of the teachers and school to protect our children. Having said that, I don't see them falling over each other to help us out!!! OK! some teachers are incredible but most just turn a blind eye. I say go for it. Don't take this lying down, cause it gets worse. Your dd needs all the support she can get. I am rambling again. It is just that, what kind of parents raise such insensitive, racist bullies.

[cocoa0101]

You really should go and speak to Head of Year or Head of Pastoral as soon as you can - in my experience, schools are used to dealing with this sort of problem very well and efficently - normally all come out friends at the end! We all think we can deal with it on our own but it's not easy.

[scary mum]

I agree with the others my DD was bullied in year 9 which led to her withdrawing from all her other friends and we ended up reluctantly withdrawing her from the school. The school tried to help but it was all too late really. The school will have a policy for dealing with it. If you want her to tackle it she shod talk to her class tutor first , or head if house, or whoever is in charge of the pastoral care. There will be someone responsible for this. I started off by emailing her tutor who quickly involved the head of house. There will be bullying at any school but it won't stop unless you do something about it. Good luck, I hate to think of anyone going through what we went through.

[LandermereMum]

I also agree with the others. Contact the school and explain what is happening and how it is affecting your DD.

My DD attends an independent, all girls school and was subjected to name calling (and more) during year 9. When we eventually contacted the school things had got so bad we by-passed the form tutor and went straight to Head of Year. It had all started because DD wanted to concentrate and do well at school. She is academically very able and didn't want to join in with the constant messing about that was going on in her form. The school listened to us and DD moved forms. It was the best decision and DD has been much happier ever since.

The school can only do something about bullying if they know about it. If it isn't reported it may get worse.

Good Luck.

[zvrk]

You have to let school know about this otherwise they can't help.
We had some mild bullying when my son started his new school (beginning of the year) but we informed his form teacher and she was brilliant about it ,she talked to a whole class and separatelly to a girl who was the leader.
We did not want to wait until that became a big problem.
Good luck .

[doodles]

Please don't let this go. Teachers are usually very good at nipping this sort of thing in the bud and will do it without embarrassing you DC in front of the whole class. If you don't tell them about it they can't deal with it and it won't go away by itself.

[Minesatea]

With regards to her current school I agree with all the previous posts - approach the school, they should do something about it.

As for the Essex Grammar schools, at my DS's if any places become available then an exam sitting is arranged and any children who have expressed an interest are tested. I think this is the situation at all the Essex Grammar schools but you would need to ring the one you are interested in and ask. I don't think any will admit at this stage on past results. These exams have already happened at his school for next September's intake so it may be that year 9 would be the earliest transfer time but the school would be able to advise you best.

She is very bright and stands out a bit

. We looked at several Essex indies for my DD and they did vary alot in how selective academically they are - if the school are unable to solve the problem is there any other Indie option open to you?

Good luck