independent schools and gifted children

[celebrate]

Hi everyone
I'm new to this forum, please don't bite and forgive me if i am posting out of turn but would love some advice

i moved my daughter to a private school 4 years ago as she is gifted and our local primary was not pushing her. I received an apology from our primary's govenor's too late after i had moved her to an independent school.

Unfortunately the school hasn't turned out to be what I expected academically. Great for concerts and trips and residentials and productions and very hot on sports, singing lessons etc

I kicked up a fuss in the first year after they did nothing and it didn't go down to well. After that I wasembarrassed and just let them do their own thing, they essentially gave her slightly harder work than her peers but it was still far too easy.

Every year at the end of the year the class teacher has agreed that she has coasted. So now she is in Year 6 with 11+ an decisions as to what I am going to do about her schooling next year and I haven't a clue. I asked the school at the end of summer to move my daughter into either a Year 7 or 8 class for Maths this year (as they have for other children including the headmasters daughter ) It is already nearly half term and they are still assessing her for this. I would have thought they could sort it based on the last 4 years assessments. They are now saying it is too late for her to move class they can't accomodate it timetable wise and she can be given year 7/8 work but while she is sat in her own class and they head of maths will look in on her now and again

I hate kicking up a fuss, i have 2 other children in the school and the headteacher already had an altercation with me as I refused to let my daughter wear a miniskirt for PE as I felt it too short.

Can anyone offer me practical advice on how best to deal with this, anyone had similar problems or most of you guys in grammar/state schools

thanks in advance for reading and anyone who takes the time to reply x

[Waiting_For_Godot]

You have two options: leave or let it go, and genuinely let it go.

Private schools are just schools at the end of the day. Potentially hotter on discipline but they come with a lot of negatives too. If you have a good state school then I'd send them there and enrich at home. I have learnt to expect nothing from schools and therefore one can only be pleasantly surprised when something positive (which does occur frequently) and unexpected happens!

[hermanmunster]

If she is in year 6, you must have considered what options there are for senior school.

Has she taken any 11 plus exams for state schools or have you registered her for any independent school exams? Or are you planning for her to stay until aged 13?

WFG is right saying it is just a school, you can walk away or stick with it - but best not to get too worked up about it. DD was at a private primary that she loved and had a great atmosphere but it was in many areas very irritating for us - but by the time this became a real problem she was well into year 5 and we stuck it out until she left for GS after year 6.

[Amber]

Predictably, I am going to post something which you might think controversial.

Why do you consider it essential that your daughter be 'pushed'? Why do you want her to be ahead of her peers? Eventually everyone will be approaching the same level anyway; there is only so far to go. If your answer is that your daughter is desperately unhappy and complaining that she is bored at school, I would do as WFG suggests and offer some enrichment outside school. Schools are there to provide an education to all their students. If as a parent you feel that a school is not offering what your child needs, you have 3 choices. You can either add it in yourself; move schools (and remember they are just schools, not entire child-rearing systems) or perhaps take a different view of what your child needs. It's a big, exciting world and there is much more to life than being in the top sets.

Not trying to be spiky, but offering a slightly different perspective perhaps.

[Paramjeet]

I constantly repeat to myself the following:

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction

[celebrate]

@hermanmunster-yes she will have entry and scholarship exams for the upper school at xmas and we are preparing for them, i have also put in an application for a couple of local state secondary schools and another private school which is however a train journey away, still not decided where for definite though

@amber-she is only 10 but she has been doing the Kumon maths programme (waits for the uproar and ducks behind the sofa ) since she was 4, she is now on GCSE level algebra which she can perform with ease. I have 3 children and can see the difference between them, I used to put a list of spellings in front of her and she had them committed to memory within seconds whereas with my boys we can take all week using every method under the sun and they still can not compete on any level.Gifted kids are recognised and should be catered for in most schools. They wouldn't have these programmes if those kids were expected to stay at the same level as their peers.

[Waiting_For_Godot]

I'm confused. Is she gifted or has she just been doing uk on for so long that she is accelerated?

[daveg]

Gifted kids are recognised and should be catered for in most schools. They wouldn't have these programmes if those kids were expected to stay at the same level as their peers.

No, they have those programmes so that pushy parents can tell other pushy parents how well their children are doing. There's little research about the long-term outcomes, but anecdotally "accelerated" children do no better at 16, 18 or 21 but are less happy. If you're so certain your daughter should be doing more stretching work, do something worthwhile with her yourself, rather than wasting hours on worthless Kumon maths. What else is she doing? Music, theatre, sport?

[neveragain*]

Breadth as we used to say when I was a teacher........

[Amber]

Gifted kids are recognised and should be catered for in most schools. They wouldn't have these programmes if those kids were expected to stay at the same level as their peers.

No, they have those programmes so that pushy parents can tell other pushy parents how well their children are doing. There's little research about the long-term outcomes, but anecdotally "accelerated" children do no better at 16, 18 or 21 but are less happy. If you're so certain your daughter should be doing morestretching work, do something worthwhile with her yourself, rather than wasting hours on worthless Kumon maths. What else is she doing? Music, theatre, sport?

+1, predictably. What research has been done shows no sustained superiority of intelligence or career path, and as you say, daveg, lower happiness levels. One of my children has apparently got a photographic memory and can also memorise on sight lists of spellings, as well as other stuff. So far the only advantage of this is top marks in spelling tests and an irritating tendency to be right all the time.

Seriously, I would echo the prevailing thought on this thread and, if you believe your daughter does have remarkable talents, use them to broaden her life experiences rather than doing GCSE algebra at 10. She will still be doing it at 16 and by then I imagine the novelty will have worn off.