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[YUMMYMAN21]

This is my first time posting so please be kind to me .....

DD was due to take the Kent test but due to illness missed it. Then she missed the mop up tests due to being in hospital. So very very unfortunate as up until that day hadnt missed a day of nursery or school. She also attends a catholic primary school which does not support the 11+. KCC told me that DD had to complete the test within a week. KCC contacted the school who would not allow DD to take the test but in the end came through by arranging a test centre at a local GS all in one morning. DD was not fully fit at this time and is a normally a confident outgoing little girl who left year 5 with reading 4a, writing 4a and maths 4B (always found maths doesnt come as naturally to her than reading/writing). She has consistantly been with the top performers year after year and last year was working with the year 6 top group! Although the school do not support the 11+ her teacher last year said she was an excellent candidate. Girls are expected to go to the local catholic school.

When DD completed the test she burst into tears in the car and knew straight away she had blown it. I tried to calm her down and insisted everyone felt this way but I knew deep down she had. Everytime the 11+ was mentioned she got upset and felt she had let herself and her family and friends down. Prior to being ill and the exam she didnt seem at all bothered by the test and just like tests at school she took it all in her stride. DD is the type of child who goes the extra mile and does extra homework!!!

Because DD did the test late KCC would not confirm if we would get the results the same time as everyone else. I had of course registed to get 'the email' so yesterday DD felt no anxiety at all. However on return home from school I checked my email 'just in case' and there was the result ikk was dreading..... this means a place cannot be offered at a kent grammer school my heart sank. I knew she would be devastated she had worked so hard (not tutored - just practise tests) and had her heart set on a particular school (not a super selective I may add). So I didnt tell her. I couldnt. My DH wasnt too happy with me I have to add.

I soon have to pick her up and the letter is probably at home... im dreading her reading it as I hate seeing her so upset especially with all that she has gone through recently. She was so so ill and I know she did not perform to the best of her ability on the day. It breaks my heart how unfair it is that the 11+ is all about 'one day'. Im crying as I write this and just need a bit of help and support as to what to do next and how to appeal and if so if you think we have a case? Im too scared to contact HT for scores etc.

Many thanks for your help in advance

scared mum

[scary mum]

Poor you and poor DD, but you may find she is not as upset as you think, if she was expecting it. Try not to show her that you are upset and tell her how proud of her you are for trying when she wasn't well. It sounds as though an appeal might be worth thinking about under the circumstances.

It may feel it now, but it isn't the end of the world. There are plenty of posters on here whose children have not passed the 11plus and have thrived. Is plan B any good for you? Can you sell her the benefits of it? Which school will her friends be going to?

Good luck and best wishes to you all - I'm not from Kent but there are lots of helpful and supportive people here who are.

[U400JB9]

I feel for you I really do, my DD was deemed non- selective yesterday to.

There is no easy way, last night I told her, she cried her little heart out for a good hour. by bedtime she was still a bit sad, but is obviously more resilient than me as she was `feeling better`.

They are suprisingly resilient, she`ll lkely deal with it better than you think, she will be distraught, but she will cope.

Do you have a good Plan B school? we focused on the good points of plan B.

She was still sad this morning, but she`s OK.

Honestly is always the best policy.....be strong, we cried together, no shame in that.

Good luck

[YUMMYMAN21]

Thank you scary mum and U400JB9 both posts make me feel so much better already and feeling more confident I can do this later. I just keep picturing her little face and I know she will sob.

Plan B is a good option I really like the school and DD does too although its slightly bigger than the GS she wants. Its top 10 nationally and is getting fantastic results so its a good plan B. Her friends who passed all want DGS. The others some our Plan B others the local academy. DD is a funny thing and has said all along that she doesnt mind not having current friends at secondary school as she will meet new friends along the way bless her

Do you think I have a good appeal? I dont want to waste anyones time or get DD hopes up?

Thank you once again for being so kind. Also hope your DD U400JB9 is ok too.

[Joules]

I am so sorry you did not get the results you expected
It's so hard to break the bad news when you know it will upset them so.
But if she sees you upset it will probably make her feel she failed you and did not meet your expectations, and that will probably make things worse .... So cheer up and tell her it's not the end of the world!
My son did not pass the Kent test either, I have no idea about the scores but it will be interesting to find out... He wasn't too upset about it as we had alternative plans ...

You have to find out the scores though and see if it was one particular test that she found difficult or all 3. Maybe you can appeal ....
Do you have a plan B? a decent school near you?
Some of the children who did not pass were very bright children working at level 5 (including mine) unfortunately as you say, it's what they do on the day that matters...

Hope it goes well x

[Joules]

Wow looks plan B for you is a brilliant one, you're in a very fortunate position!
If plan B is top 10 nationally , was plan A number 1 ??

[YUMMYMAN21]

Joules you have made me I so needed this!!!
Yes in 2010 not one of its 214 GCSE students failed an exam!!! Thats pretty good statics!!! Its just DD liked the GS better its smaller and she said it felt like an extention of her primary school. I just worry at a big school with so many children she will be lost :(plus she is the one going to school every day not me. Glad your son is ok with regards to not passing. I do agree I have to ensure DD does not feel im sad and understands im only sad because she is. Im perfectly happy with Plan B its just her first choice would of made her so happy....

Yes I will def find out scores tomorrow. Going to grow some balls overnight and call HT tomorrow. Let all the other parents get in there first today!

[monstermum]

My DD didn't pass and when I first told her she cried and went very quiet BUT we talked lots and very soon we were laughing and joking. She was more worried that all her friends would have passed and that she would be the odd one out. A lot of her closest friends didn't pass and that made her feel like she wasn't the only one. One of her friends was crying at school today and she really comforted this girl and showed great maturity. I think we take longer to adjust to it than our children! Good luck with telling her and it will pass.

[twinkles]

Sorry that your DD didn't pass, I know how that feels.

Until you find out her scores you won't know if an appeal is worth bothering with. Find out if it went to HT appeal and what the reasons were for it not getting through at that stage and take things from there.

If you have a good back up Plan B and if her scores are near the pass mark you could always appeal without telling her and if you win you would have the choice of Plan A or B, although by this time she may have come round to Plan B so much that she doesn't want Plan A!

I am sure your DD will be upset but like others I am sure she will also surprise you and be more resilient than you think she will be. Good luck.

[doodles]

So sorry for you and your DD Yummy, but two things; firstly, children are far more resilient than us adults and could show us a thing or two at times; and secondly, please please get the scores, you may find that it was just a few points on one paper and an appeal may be possible if that's the route that you decide you all want to go down.

Good luck and believe me she will surprise you she sounds a complete star.