Feeling like I let Ds down!!

[lottie78]

Hi all,
With hindsight I would have done things differently!
Ds goes to a very average primary where the 11 plus is never mentioned let alone encouraged.
Ds has always been about 2 yrs ahead with school levels, he is a very bright boy that loves to learn.
We only decided to let him try for gs in march so not a lot of time to prepare.
He worked so hard and scored 213, we knew it was a long shot and are so proud of him but to miss out by a few points ( he only ever wanted Aston) is gutting!
Our local comp is by no means the worst in the area but it doesn't even have a library!
I'm sure he'll do we'll there but it isn't what we'd hoped for him. I wish we'd starting preparing earlier especially emotionally as he was so nervous to the point of shaking on the day as he has never sat any kind of exam before. I know all children are in the same boat and I'm not making excuses but I really feel that I let him down in not preparing him enough

[ginx]

lottie78
Don't berate yourself! The whole system is unfair and divisive. Children can do well at other schools! Those who have lots of coaching and or practice may do better ... some may have lots of coaching and or practice and have a bad day, through nerves. Don't blame yourself. Competition is very high to get into schools in your area.
Your ds will be fine with a dp who cares so much. He's obviously a bright boy.
More preparation may not have helped ... can someone remind me who was it on here who says "when one door closes ..." Don't feel guilty yourself. Try and be positive about his next school for his sake.
Sorry you didn't get the news you wanted. Wish you both well. Bet your ds does well.

[DIY Mum]

It was Helen Keller: When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.

Lottie78, couldn't help but notice your ds's score of 213. Would your ds not want to consider BV?

If it's any consolation, I personally know of a few dc who have done well in comprehensive schools. And from what a very good tutor tells me, there is no correlation between her students who have passed and what they have achieved at GCSE's and beyond. At the end of the day, it comes down to dc's attitude and parental support. You seem to have both.

[Daddy daycare]

Lottie 78 I really feel for you. Our dd scored 213 and we wish we had done more with her as well. The last few weeks have been a horrible time wishing we had done thing differently. Your son has done fantastic, and he is obviously a very bright boy to get such a good score with little preperation. Our daughter goes to a very good primary with many children who did the test working on level 6 at school and only 1 score 230 7 scoring between 200 and 208 so 213 is a brilliant score and you never know the score may go down and he will get into Aston. Either way with loving parents like yourself he Will thrive at any school. Take care and try not to mull over the test results to much.

[bromley mum]

I really feel that I let him down in not preparing him enough

Please don't feel this way. The only way a parent can let down a child is by not loving the child, not offering support and not being there.You are not guilty of any of the above. In the grand scheme of things, your son will depend on you to teach him much more about life that the mere 11 plus coaching. The fact that he did so well, with the minimum prep bodes well for the future. With his brains and your love and support, he will fare very well no matter which school he goes to.

[Looking for help]

I agree entirely. You have done the best you could have done.

I love the quote about Helen Keller, a particular heroine of mine, as she came to our village back in the 1930s I think and visited the very old and lovely lady who lived next door to us.

Let's not forget that our kids who narrowly miss out on a GS place are not disadvantaged in the way Ms Keller was....she had untold mountains to climb.

Our children will be absolutely fine, as we are supportive parents, and actually lots who go to comprehensive schools do really really well, not just a few

[lottie78]

Hi,
Thank you all for your kind words.
We have considered bv as I know it is a good school but without a green bus service we couldn't get him there. Ds2 has mobility issues which also brings restraints for us and car usage etc.
Ds seems ok with it all, he's very laid back but I know what he has found difficult is that two other boys scored higher than him, that since reception he has consistently done better than at school.
Does anybody know the situation with waiting lists, do they scrap them after the start of the September term or is it even possible to gain a place mid way through a term if a pupil leaves...... Grasping and straws comes to mind!!
Thanks again, we will all get over the disappointment and move on in time, I know it's not the end of the world and in light of many other people's worries etc it's not a big deal.

[Paramjeet]

Time is a wonderful healer

[robotboy]

Each school keeps a waiting list.

[reeyah]

lottie78, your DS has got a fantastic score and is obviously bright. He will do well at any school, I can assure you. The fact that he is already two years ahead at his primary school says it all. There was a study carried out a few years back which seemed to prove the theory that naturally bright children can do well anywhere.Grammar schools do best for children who are just a little above average. Those children face the risk of falling behind in a comp if they are not given that push you get in a Grammar.

You mention that DS2 has mobility issues.. Well you have more to deal with than an average parent, so a big well done to you . You have nothing to feel guilty about.

Good luck!