any ideas for an awkward child?

[elizabethswan]

Would appreciate some ideas from you very kind mums and dads out there. I am really struggling to get my daughter to do her practise paper homework. Her tutor that I've recently engaged recommends 3 papers a week which takes 3-4 hours-it's very difficult to find that much extra time. I've tried bribery, threats,family days out as incentives but nothing works, she just gets really angry and doesn't want the extra homework! She is only 9, 10 in July, and therefore too immature to realise that it is just a short term thing which will soon be over. My older daughter is in yr 7 at SGS and it's so fantastic, they seem to have a holistic approach to education, it's so friendly and the teachers are really nurturing, and the specialisms really suit my younger daughters abilities. I want this so much for her, but it seems like it's not going to happen due to her resistance to practise, although she is well able academically. Any suggestions, it's getting desperate now with just a few weeks left to go until the exams.

[silverysea]

Very tricky. She is very young to have to appreciate what she does now matters to her future.

I'm sure she has seen the school as a sibling but could you arrange a special visit for her? Making sure to see the right area/teachers. I don't know but imagine schools like getting siblings coming through.

Here's another idea-check out other schools in the area and also arrange a visit to one she would not like the look of-and arrange a visit also, presenting it as likely alternative. Even if it isn't IySwIm.

Carrot/stick.

Also take her on a trip to Oxbridge? My Dd1 got inspired by that at about 9. She is August and had similar issues. She was also put off a good GS by a pushy boy showing us his a level project- loud and showy offy - I stupidly let her not choose the school. But she is still trying hard to get good marks for possible Uni.

[wilmslowmum]

Hi, I totally understand you as my Ds is very difficult when it comes to work which I give him, totally okay with work from school. my Ds is your daughters age currently in year 4, i guess you are more anxious as you dd is year 5 . I find my son enjoys it if i do a paper with him or in competition with him! And of course i might get a few wrong on purpose (or genuinely!!!) then he can show me how good he is and correct me! I know it sounds a little silly and time consuming but its desperate measures! And of course as we say to them it is only for a short while. Let her mark your paper while you mark hers. I sympathise with you , my older dd now yr 10 loreto was more willing but less able than ds but we still used to come to blows out of her frustration. Remember keep firm make her do it my daughter laughs about it now and even thanks me,she certainly thinks I should be doing the same with my ds and she tells me one day she will do it with her children too! Good luck

[silverysea]

Also is this quite a sudden ramp up? Maybe initially you can do part of a paper every day at a routine non-negotiable time, instead of a whole paper at a sitting. It works better when I sit with my DDs, so ATM weare eating more instant food and pizza delivery.

It doesn't end when they get to secondary.

Another thing that helped was to arrange the work so the least disliked thing comes last if there is one. My dd likes VR best, my friend's prefers maths.

I would ask for help from tutor too.

[wilmslowmum]

Hi again, Just another thought on your situation, also many other families must have the same issue. My 2 are six school years apart , different genders and never have attended the same school so for me it probably wont happen, do you think that sometimes when children are very close in school age much like yours and the same gender a lot of pressure is on the younger child ? I dont mean directly by us parents but by the fact the younger child has seen the older child acheive a grammar school place and has witnessed all the appraisal that naturally goes with it. Then we all applaud the wonderful school when our older children get there and of course we are all so thrilled (i know i was) we never shut up about it driving everyone mad!!!!!! In the meantime our younger children are taking all this in , it is such a hard act to follow especially if you dont succeed. Maybe a little resistance to all of this could be a way of protecting themselves just in case they dont pass? I could imagine feeling that way myself. Perhaps as i am sure you have done so already, a little reasurance that although it would be great and working hard is the only way to maybe achieve it , it wont be the end of the world if it doesnt happen and you will still be rewarded for all your hardwork. Poor little lambs!!!

[smiler10]

We were in your position last year and by this time last year I was ready to throw in the towel. Luckily DS suddenly became more engaged once he broke up for the summer holidays. I think this was because he had much more time on his hands- they are exhausted after school and the last thing they want to be doing is papers after h'work!
He did 1 GL every other day through the holidays, alternating between maths/ VR and NVR and it seemed to do the trick. I know there were kids in DS's class that were doing 2-3 hours a day but I don't think their results were any better- the kids were just more miserable!
I'm doing the same thing with DD now but not going to ramp it up til she breaks up next month.
Good luck.

[TIDDLYMUM]

I was going to suggest adoption when I saw the title !

Controversial and I am not sure but... What about a teeny little break? It sounds like its all got a bit much? I know the exams are close but it might work? FWIW we had a mini meltdown during the spate of exams and a marked reluctance at some points of the six weeks holidays just before the exam. It passed!

I agree with the school visits if you can arrange.

[jugglermum]

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[DC17C]

I tend to find with DS I have to arrange a time with him when he will do his homework. Just springing anything on him never works and neither does nagging.

[elizabethswan]

Thanks so much for the advice and positive thoughts, I'd forgotten that the open days are coming up soon, so think she will enjoy them, and will make sure I emphasize the art and science departments! I have asked my daughters tutor to come for 2 sessions a week instead of one, so she can do the majority of the homework with him, and have made a deal with her that myself and my older daughter will do her school homework for the next 6 weeks,!!Hehe, it's cheating I know, but she gets absolutely loads and don't really think it is all that important, as they seem to work her very hard at school. And thanks Jugglermum for the tip about doing the papers every other day, definitely going to do that, we are only going away for 1 week, so for the other 5 weeks she will get plenty of prep and time for fun and days out too. My older daughter didn't start at SGS until January this year, she didn't pass the first time, and did another exam in October last year, and she found it hard to settle in at first as everyone had already made friends and she missed the bonding trip and a trip to France too. This was because she wasn't sufficiently prepared for the exams in the beginning of year 6 and we didn't bother with a tutor, so fingers crossed this time we will succeed. xx