How do you find the energy to do it all again?

[Wolves mum]

DS sat the 11 plus this year. It was hard work, nagging and draining. We argued, bribed and cried but got there. We did not have a tutor and I'm proud of our achievement. However DS2 is in year 4 and a different child. He has potential (as the teachers keep telling me) but is immature and lazy. I know it's going to be hard to prep him for the 11plus, even the basics like getting him to read; he'd rather play with his Lego.

I know in the long term I need to try my best to get him through the 11 plus and if we don't I need to know we tried our hardest. However after having just finished the emotional roller coaster with DS1 I just can't muster the enthusiasm or effort to get started with DS2.

Any motivational tips out there

[Wolves mum]

Just read my post and it sounds all negative about DS2!
He is a great loving little boy and I love him to bits. I am not disappointed in him in any way I just recognise he has a different work ethic to his brother.

[FunkyMonkey]

With our youngest, we incentivised him. No PlayStation in week at all. Then none on weekend until all his work done. In the end he was more motivated himself, trying to emulate his brother, and we would say surpassed him in ability.

[2Girlsmum]

We thought we would prepare a little every week and be quite casual about it. Wrong! Children can be so different and dd2 did everything she could to avoid it. All through Y5 this happened, and also our timings were slightly out as DD1 sat the tests later. Come summer and a family road trip around Spain with (sniggers) 11+ books. By mid August we had 4 weeks left and crammed like mad. She had a full day of tests (VR, NVR, English and Maths) followed the next day by a 2 paper CEM test. she pulled together apart from her CEM marks bouncing around, and sat the tests. I've never felt so worried. It isn't easier with the second for us at all. There is the worry you've just has with the worry of one sibling failing and and the other passing when they are both bright. Applicant numbers and marks were up on 3 years ago too. In the end she actually did really well with a place guaranteed at both schools, and ranked 5th at the one who told us ranking (better than her sister!) so maybe she knew something, and/or my teaching 11+ skills improved. I don't envy you, but despite the worry it was also great fun teaching them, and I'll miss it!

[z-g]

Am in the same boat! well, ds2 is in yr3 but he is the same. All he wants to do is play and play,
I don't really know what am going to do. I tried little bits here and there, just to get him started, so he will be kind of prepared for when he officially starts in yr4,but didn't get anywhere
so decided to leave it and try again later, so will see how it goes.
Best of luck Wolves mum!

Zainab

[Yamin151]

IMHO

Year 4 far too early to start, esp with one not that keen to do it. If theya re going to get in and qualify, they'll do it in a year.

I have twins so no second time For us, but the stress of the 'what if one does and one doesn't' scenario far more focused wit same sex twins! And we won't know for sure until next march as one is borderline, but we hopeful

Little and oftenand incentivise, someone else mentioned this.

Personally if I'd done cramming both mine would have gone pop, now way could I have done this, but each to their own and it worked for them!

Make sure sibling 2 knows that it doesn't matter a jot if they don't qualify, no matter what you think, they will make the comparison in their own heads with their sibling and you have to work especially hard to ensure that all 'hopeful' remarks about GS are removed in favour of test being to find out what school suits them best,the alternatives are out there and you are proud no matter what.

[Amarstone]

Am in the same boat! well, ds2 is in yr3 but he is the same. All he wants to do is play and play

Zainab

Surely this is not surprising as he is year3! When DD1 was in year 3 she just wanted to play too and she did. Eleven plus preparation had not even crossed my mind. We started preparing in the February of year 5 as by then the work had a context and my daughter was mature enough to cope with the demands of timed tests etc. Maybe I'm missing something but I don't think it's necessary to start preparations in year 3 or 4. My second daughter is in year 5 and started doing some extra work a couple of months ago. I'm hoping that 9 months focusing on key areas should be enough.

[southbucks3]

DS sat the 11 plus this year. It was hard work, nagging and draining. We argued, bribed and cried but got there. We did not have a tutor and I'm proud of our achievement. However DS2 is in year 4 and a different child. He has potential (as the teachers keep telling me) but is immature and lazy. I know it's going to be hard to prep him for the 11plus, even the basics like getting him to read; he'd rather play with his Lego.

I know in the long term I need to try my best to get him through the 11 plus and if we don't I need to know we tried our hardest. However after having just finished the emotional roller coaster with DS1 I just can't muster the enthusiasm or effort to get started with DS2.

Any motivational tips out there

Start off by getting him in the habit of reading, the lego ninja books may appeal to him, they did my son at about 7.5 - 8.5 yrs, or dk readers level 4 non fiction, have some good material, which is also great for discussion, but not big long lumps of text in thick paperbacks, and nothing like set school texts either. As he gets into the habit, you can slowly up the ante, but go gently if he has not been reading much of late for pure pleasure. Also get into the habit of checking he understands words, as my ds3 is now such a super independent reader, he whizzes past words he does not know, rather than finding out what they mean, and pronounces them beautifully too when reading aloud, really tries to fool us, rather than be interrupted, So feel free to learn from my mistakes

When you start to introduce structured worksheets later ( in year 5) he may still like lego, in which case sticker charts, and lego minifigs can work wonders, in other words bribe him with his weakness.

[Wolves mum]

Southbucks thanks for the fantastic tips. As obvious as it sounds I hadn't thought of tailoring study materials and rewards to his hobby.

Yamin151 I will be aware of how I discuss the 11 plus and I think your right about highlighting to him that it's to find the right school for him.
I think I will wait until after Christmas and then start doing some extra reading with him.

I feel like I've lost the plot a bit as I was explaining to him today that grammar school isn't the only option but he would be letting himself down if he didn't try 100% to reach his full potential.....and that if he didn't pass he wouldn't be able to buy himself a Lamborghini when he was older!!!!

I have no idea where that came from, I'm normally a perfectly reasonable peron lol in my defence he likes cars.

I think mini Lego figures are a less emotionally destructive path to take !!

[southbucks3]

Awww, good luck, I think you should get him a little Lamborghini model now bless him, we all say daft things when our kids mess us about. I remember telling my ds1 he would have to have extra tutors at the weekend if he went to the upper school, when he messed me about lots (not true, no one needs extra tutors at upper if they work hard) he just sat there and did a bit of pitiful quiet crying...what a total vicious cow, I back tracked immediately of course, but really!

recommending the dk books reminded me how much ds3 loved them, so for an easy xmas read (he is a year above your boy) I just bought him "snow dogs, racers of the North" which seems quite apt for this time of year too. HIs favourite one, from memory was about yetties and such phenomenon? All cool for little boys.

Good luck