Sending a child to school when they look ill ...

[ginx]

I feel very guilty.

My dd2 was in bed most of the weekend, but got up yesterday looking grey insisting she went to school - she did. Back home, to bed.

I'm ashamed to say this. I was working this morning, invigilating, I rang to cancel last night, explaining dd2 would probably be off school, they pleaded shortage of invigilators. I told dd2 and she said she felt fine this morning. Still looked grey so I rang her school and asked them to ring where I invigilate so they could contact me, and I'd definitely phone at 1030.

Just rang dd2's school and they said she looks very "delicate" so I'm going to get her after Maths. She's not keen on missing lessons.

Of course, if I hadn't been invigilating, she probably wouldn't have gone to school in the first place. She knew I was supposed to go, and said she was fine. I shouldn't have sent her.

It's only invigilating and I shouldn't have gone. What do working parents do? A teacher told me they're allowed 3 days off a year if their child is ill; so they just lie and say they are ill. Unfortunately I couldn't find anyone to look after her today. I'm such a bad parent, I contemplated keeping my 14 year old dd1 off for two hours (she'd only miss PE and PSHE) to look after dd2. What a mess. I feel a bad parent.

[southbucks3]

Don't be daft..she was fine and safe, but a bit delicate. This is not the same as chundering all over her desk, or spreading avian flu around!

At 12, she made the deliberate decision to help her mum out..who she knows is there for her 95% of the time, but has a pocket money job, which she probably looks forward to, and likes the bit of independent cash to splash. Plus little ginx now does not have to worry about missed maths...something my son hates missing too, because they do crack on.

Ask yourself if you would still have invigilated if you were feeling a bit grey...I know I still do all my ad hoc election admin/ polling station stuff regardless, it really scuppers them if someone pulls a sicky.

Tuck in together on the sofa this afternoon, watch a chick flick, and put the moment behind you.

[stroudydad]

Hi Ginx, well firstly let's say you are not a bad parent.. Having been lucky enough to converse with you on here for far too long now I think I can categorically say that.. Please remember times are different now, in most houses both parents work and dealing with the 'inconvenience' of ill children is something most of us do.. Only last week i sent my daughter to school even though she felt 'unwell' because we had planned to go and do most of the christmas shopping... We all make a judgement based on our knowledge and experience..I would be amazed if anyone here posted to say they thought you had done the wrong thing..

[ginx]

Thanks. Sb3, you are of course right, I hate letting school down and have dumped my kids on friends when they've been ill, or had teacher training days. If I've said I'm going to be there, unless I have sickness, I will be there. Maybe littleginx feels the same. She's got her maths homework and doesn't mind missing PSHE. She may only have three friends, but I'm sure they'll email her to let her know what she's missed.

We'll have a nice day together ... when she wakes up. She's gone straight to bed and is asleep.

I don't work often and do indeed wonder how parents cope when both work. I suppose I want reassurance on here, I don't want anybody to say I'm a bad parent who shouldn't have sent her to school (although part of me still feels that anyway).

Thanks. Haven't seen you around recently, stroudydad, unlike sb3, who I seem to bump into everywhere - if you see what I mean

[Snowdrops]

You know ginx, it does her no harm to know and understand that you don't use 'feeling unwell' as an excuse for having a day off (by this I mean when you don't feel 100% but not so bad that you can't soldier on and it shakes off once you get going). It instills a good work ethic in her and you so are NOT a bad mum, we all do what we gotta do!

[scarlett]

At least you rang, kept yourself updated and then collected her. I'm sure at secondary there are loads of children who go in to school not feeling great. Don't forget sometimes the child can be more infectious before the bug comes out so I'm sure your dd has been generously spreading her germs for days ! Alongside everyone else at this time of year.

[Tinkers]

You know ginx, it does her no harm to know and understand that you don't use 'feeling unwell' as an excuse for having a day off (by this I mean when you don't feel 100% but not so bad that you can't soldier on and it shakes off once you get going). It instills a good work ethic in her and you so are NOT a bad mum, we all do what we gotta do!

Like.
One of my cousins has a DD with diabetes. Whenever the DD fancied a day off school, all she had to do was tell her mum she wasn't feeling right and that was that, day off. My mum stopped questioning it when she saw her out of school. She was certainly well enough to go out shopping or whatever with her mum.

My DD is rarely ill, I've been quite fortunate in that respect. However there have been times when she has been a little under par. We have given her medicine and sent her to school and she has been fine. I'm sure if she was really ill the school would phone for me to pick her up.

[talea51]

I feel very guilty.

My dd2 was in bed most of the weekend, but got up yesterday looking grey insisting she went to school - she did. Back home, to bed.

I'm ashamed to say this. I was working this morning, invigilating, I rang to cancel last night, explaining dd2 would probably be off school, they pleaded shortage of invigilators. I told dd2 and she said she felt fine this morning. Still looked grey so I rang her school and asked them to ring where I invigilate so they could contact me, and I'd definitely phone at 1030.

Just rang dd2's school and they said she looks very "delicate" so I'm going to get her after Maths. She's not keen on missing lessons.

Of course, if I hadn't been invigilating, she probably wouldn't have gone to school in the first place. She knew I was supposed to go, and said she was fine. I shouldn't have sent her.

It's only invigilating and I shouldn't have gone. What do working parents do? A teacher told me they're allowed 3 days off a year if their child is ill; so they just lie and say they are ill. Unfortunately I couldn't find anyone to look after her today. I'm such a bad parent, I contemplated keeping my 14 year old dd1 off for two hours (she'd only miss PE and PSHE) to look after dd2. What a mess. I feel a bad parent.

First of all, you are not a bad parent - let's just get that straight right now.

Secondly, this is a horrible dilemma and as a working (outside the home) parent it's one I face quite often. It's a very difficult position to be in. We are actually quite fortunate in that we can both occasionally work from home and we both get a reasonable amount of annual leave and, if all else fails, we can take unpaid leave (which is never our first choice!) Dh and I agree that a child with a temperature stays at home. No questions asked, they just stay home. Likewise for any D&V, although my children aren't prone to D&V bugs thank goodness.

Other than that, it's not an easy decision to make, especially if it's not terribly clear cut as to just how ill the child is. A child who looks unwell but does not have a temperature may well find themselves dosed on calpol and sent to school. Unfortunately, the decision is often influenced more by what we have going on at work than by how ill the child is.

If I were a stay at home parent, I have no doubt that I would keep my children off school more often simply because I really don't think an unwell child belongs at school. So yes, that generates a lot of guilt for me.

Last year I actually looked up the Essex LEA's position with regard to sending ill children to school and found that their advice was that a child with a temperature or something contagious (like D&V) should stay home but if it's just a cold, they should go to school.

It's quite an apposite question that you've raised actually because my dd1 is at home ill today. She does not have a temperature but she is very grey and I fear she is developing a chest infection. She gets asthma when she gets chest infections so I like to keep a close eye on her chest as she has previously had to be nebulised because of the asthma.

Fortunately, dh is working from home today as he had an appointment to attend so dd1 was able to stay home ill. I don't know what will happen tomorrow, I will probably have to take the day off as I suspect we'll be making a trip to the doctor tomorrow.

[Amber]

Stop beating yourself up ginx. We've all done it.

Far worse in my view is allowing a child to take a day of sick in order to pursue some kind of 'jolly'. I have taken all of my kids out of school for such things (most recently last week ) but I have never lied or pretended that they are ill. As someone else said, the message you are giving your daughter here is a clear one about the value of work; not at all the same as encouraging children to skive off school (and later, work) because there is something else they would rather do.

She will be fine. And 'delicate' is not the same as ill. As every woman knows

[ginx]

She's no better, and hasn't eaten.

Tinkers, dd2 has had one day off this term - because of her diabetes. She had very high levels bordering on "shall we go to hospital". Other than that I've sent her in with bad colds - but I'm pleased she wants to go in. I think, despite her lazy attitude at home, she works hard at school and does not want to miss any work, or seeing her friends, of course.

I'm determined not to let her diabetes affect school - but sometimes it's impossible.

Thanks, Amber, for your kind words.