Practising what to say to DC if they don't pass...?

[Manana]

When DS passed, I just blundered in the room clutching my phone-blathering on about the email in a non-coherent fashion. I don't think it mattered-the result was good and it didn't matter how it was delivered!

With DD, I feel much less confident and am worried that if she hasn't passed, it will hit her hard. What is a good way to phrase it so that I can do some damage limitation...?

[Rosy Pippin]

We're debating the same thing here. DH is adamant that he will steam open the envelope while DD is at school so that he can get his speech prepared. I know a few folk who have other irons in the fire and can/have used this as an incentive but we don't have a choice of grammar schools: there is one super selective or it's the local comprehensive so there is no other fall back. Off to practice in the mirror now...

[Manana]

We're debating the same thing here. DH is adamant that he will steam open the envelope while DD is at school so that he can get his speech prepared. I know a few folk who have other irons in the fire and can/have used this as an incentive but we don't have a choice of grammar schools: there is one super selective or it's the local comprehensive so there is no other fall back. Off to practice in the mirror now...

No other irons for us, it's grammar, the local comp that's in special measures or a long bus drive and the next nearest comp in the next LEA which is RI. Neither brilliant.

I'm wondering about saying something along the lines of, 'DD, we've just had the email and I'm sorry-it wasn't what we'd hoped, but...'

but then I'm stuck.

[MacPac]

DS2 wants me to just text him a picture of a sad face if he hasn't scored the magic 303. We've discussed in length plan b and he's very happy with that. I'm sure there will be tears (probably mine more than his) so I've planned a day out so it'll either be celebratory day out or a good distraction!

[Stroller]

We talk freely about the large numbers who sit and the improbable odds. I drew a normal distribution curve and showed on it how - given a scarce number of places - the super selectives choose to fill from the right of the curve. We haven't had any results yet, but as a way of managing the expectations, I want the odds to be clear.

We also had a discussion today about the strengths of the various schools we've visited. There are lots of schools near us, but no guaranteed place in any of them. Even if the main strength is proximity, at least play that one up! DD said her ideal school would have:

• The only principal who didn't bore her socks off during the open evenings - he happens to be running a massive comp that was in special measures a couple of years ago
  The dynamic, friendly and enthusiastic young music teacher with the ukuleles from a non-denominational single sex school that probably can't field an orchestra
  Me as the language teacher (!)
  The Maths department of the nearest comprehensive (which is rather better than its English results)
  A school where lots of girls do physics
  A school where she would know a dozen or so from her primary
  Etc.

It's an entertaining way to look on the bright side. Even if you genuinely have only one other school choice, big up the fact that other kids from the primary will be there, there will be less travel, more time for sleep / activities, etc.

What I also found interesting is that she identified aspects she liked from a very mixed bag of schools. None of the teachers on her list were from the super selectives we saw (not because they were bad, but they were really too busy to engage with kids on the open days). I have no crystal ball, but I'm hoping we'll be able to put a positive spin on the outcome. No matter how she does, I want her to understand the context - thousands will be rejected. The real measure of success will be how they demonstrate resilience, pick themselves up, move on and continue to work hard.

[Guest55]

I would suggest avoiding the 'F' word at all costs and plan something for Friday e.g. meal out, fun activity so they know you still love them.

Children will fear not pleasing you probably more than the result ...

[Manana]

I would suggest avoiding the 'F' word at all costs and plan something for Friday e.g. meal out, fun activity so they know you still love them.

Children will fear not pleasing you probably more than the result ...

Good plan. I think the meal out should be Saturday rather than Friday!

big up the fact that other kids from the primary will be there, there will be less travel, more time for sleep

This makes me sad as our second choice will involve getting up before 6am in order to catch the 6.45 bus, so way less sleep and way more travel!

[Mrs Sinatra]

I've been vague - to everyone but dh - about when results come through. We've gone for a super selective so I think what I will say if she doesn't get enough is "you passed (if she has obvs) but it doesn't look like it's enough". We've spoken at length about how it's not really about passing, but getting in the top 140 etc.

We are lucky. We have not perfect but good alternatives (one of which hopefully her sister is going to) and with every school - even the grammar - there are pluses and minuses.

What's making me laugh about my own post is tonight I feel quite philosophical but I sometimes feel very different. Luckily I am a glass half full type of person.

Mostly.

[Manana]

I've been vague - to everyone but dh - about when results come through. We've gone for a super selective so I think what I will say if she doesn't get enough is "you passed (if she has obvs) but it doesn't look like it's enough". We've spoken at length about how it's not really about passing, but getting in the top 140 etc.

We are lucky. We have not perfect but good alternatives (one of which hopefully her sister is going to) and with every school - even the grammar - there are pluses and minuses.

What's making me laugh about my own post is tonight I feel quite philosophical but I sometimes feel very different. Luckily I am a glass half full type of person.

Mostly.

I just keep filling the glass right up to the top-it seems to give temporary relief!!

[Nikkibeak]

I don't have a lot of positives for if we don't get the required result BUT I have to keep remembering that even in failing schools it is possible for kids to still do well and get great results if they want to learn. I'm lucky in so far as I don't think my son is too bothered either way. It will just be me that is disappointed.