Getting in to a Grammar school is not the be all and end all

[chickychock]

Our daughter was state educated at primary school and did the eleven plus 6 years ago and got offered a place on the 1st March. We were delighted as she had always been bright and minimal tuition. We thought that her going to Chelmsford (CCHS) would be a fantastic opportunity and the best place for her.
I just want to say to all parents that just because it's a Grammar school, it doesn't mean it is the best or that your child will do better than if they had gone to a state school. All it means is that your child is good at sitting exams or is naturally bright.
Our daughter did do well at her GCSE's, but I am certain that she would have done as well or better at a state school. Friends of hers who did not get in to CCHS and went to local comps, did just as well or better.
A Grammar school has the same problems as state schools (self harming, bullying, disruptive children, out of date text books, teacher absences (there were plenty of those) etc) We live walking distance to the school and yet many of our DD's friends were travelling on buses, trains and couldn't stay behind after school to do anything extra curricular.
Even though our DD was offered a place to stay on in the Sixth form, she turned it down and has moved on elsewhere. She is so much happier and we wish we hadn't gone down the Grammar route in the first place. Can I just add that our DD is a very sociable child, but yet a lot of other children's parents wouldn't allow them to get together at weekends due to tutoring (one friend had 5 tutors a week to keep up)
Don't be disappointed if tonight does not work out the way you had hoped - your child will do well wherever they go and the main thing is the love and support that parents give to their children.

[SlighlyStressedMum]

I agree. I'm in Chelmsford and if my son doesn't get into Kegs then he'll be going to one of the other Chelmsford comps. I definitely do not think it's the be all and end all but I am very stressed because it's his first choice school and where he wants to go. So really hope he gets in!

[ToadMum]

I hope you don't mind me commenting, but grammar schools are state schools.

[chickychock]

I hope you don't mind me commenting, but grammar schools are state schools.

Yes I know that, but I think everyone knows what I mean

[Proudmumregardless]

I agree. I'm an ex cchs girl myself and had an awful time there ending in my being asked to leave after my GCSE'S. My husband is ex CRGS and had an equally awful time.

My point being it's down to the personality of the individual child whether they'll thrive at a grammar school or not. I'd also advise a lot of caution, especially with girls, to be mindful of caring and nurturing their mental health. Ime the pressure is high and anxiety, depression and eating disorders were rife in my day.

So why have I put my daughter forward I hear you shout lol because she's a totally different person to who I was and as I'm aware of these issues I will be mindful in not applying too much pressure at home.

At the end of the day it's just school. Qualifications can always be obtained as an adult and how many people are in the careers they set out for at 18?! Top of my priority is having a well rounded, happy person at the end of it all.

[Proudmumregardless]

I would also say the travel issue was there in my day too, only no catchment areas! Us local girls struggled to maintain friendships as most of them were made on the buses on the way into school

[moved]

Good luck to all waiting tonight. Plenty of DC's friends didn't pass at 11 or chose not to travel and joined in 6th form and are doing very well.

Fundamentally, it is a state education and suffers from a similar lack of funding to all schools. Grammars suit plenty of children and don't suit plenty of children in the same way that school suits plenty of children and doesn't suit plenty of children.

DD enjoyed it, but DS didn't! Same family, same aspirations, different personalities. I don't think it would have been any different in a comp rather than grammar. They are who they are.

[thepackhorse]

Good post chickychoc - agree with your sentiments and with many of the points raised in subsequent posts.

DD1 is at ColCHS and is loving it and we will find out soon if she will be joined in September by DD2. We hope she gets in as she really likes the school and we've had good experiences of the teachers thus far. It's of paramount importance to us however that she develops into a well-rounded, sociable, confident individual and I don't think that one school is necessarily any better than another at providing this.

I really feel for those children who travel miles to get to school - I used to commute for work and wouldn't wish such a journey on an 11-16 year old, not least because they miss so many (all?) of the after-school activities and their weekdays must consist purely of travelling and working! Plenty of time for that when they get out to work!

Anyway, good luck all!

[onlyme]

Feeling for you all tonight Good luck for tomorrow.
This time 6yrs ago I, like you all,was waiting & hoping my ds1 would get into his chosen school - for us it was KEGs.
Tonight I again find myself awaiting an outcome for ds2 however this time it is not for a grammar school & I must confess I am so glad I am not in your shoes
Ds1 was successful at securing a place at KEGs & after achieving some very respectable GCSE results last summer he is currently continuing his studies in the 6th form. He has done well & had some fantastic opportunities at KEGS however it has not been the journey I had hoped for & I must confess that I have pretty much hated every minute of his time at the school & am relieved that I will not have to endure it again with ds2. I can't really put my finger on why I have disliked it so much however I do have an overwhelming feeling that our family does not really fit in with the KEGs community.
FYI -Many of ds1 friends who attended the local comps also did very well in their GCSEs & appear to have done so without having to endure the enormous expectation & pressure that comes with attending the grammar schools.
The decision to continue in the 6th form at KEGS was hard but we felt it was an appropriate choice for his intended career path.
I guess what I am trying to say is... The grammars are not always all they are hyped up to be... If you child does not secure a place it is not the end of the world!
I am now hopeful ds2 will secure the local comp he is wants...
Sending positive vibes to you all!

[PurpleDuck]

Fingers crossed for your DS2, onlyme, also, for everyone else waiting for the results. I hope you will get good news.