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 Post subject: Bus stress
PostPosted: Wed Oct 23, 2019 6:33 am 
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Joined: Fri Dec 19, 2014 7:58 pm
Posts: 738
How are your children and Young adults at getting out of the door to catch the bus in the morning?
This is a constant source of stress in our household. The bus is usually late so DD seems to think it is OK to arrive at the bus stop at the time that the bus usually arrives rather than the time it is timetabled to leave. Consequently last week when it actually left on time two days in a row she missed it. I have now said that if she misses it again I will mot take her into school so she will have to catch the next bus which doesn’t actually take her to school and she would have to walk the last leg. She would miss two lessons.
This morning she decided to change her clothes at the time that she should leave and she went out of the door 5 minutes after the time she needed to leave in order to be at the bus stop at the right time. I find it soooo hard to bite my tongue and let her make her Owen mistakes. I am assuming that she had caught it because she hasn’t come back home :roll:


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 Post subject: Re: Bus stress
PostPosted: Wed Oct 23, 2019 8:01 am 
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Joined: Mon Oct 21, 2013 7:59 pm
Posts: 6728
Your method is right - but this is important - if she does miss it, do NOT back down. Even if you have to leave the house for a "suddenly remembered" meeting so you don't have to take her.

She won't miss the bus again (if you do this) but is currently having fun pushing your buttons! It is a really good "learning experience" about gettng ready when at university, where she will have to contend with getting to long days of lectures, travel to placements (often up to 1.5 hours away, although DS1 has lucked out with a local one this year!) and arrive at a set time.

Keep biting your tongue and sticking to your guns...


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 Post subject: Re: Bus stress
PostPosted: Wed Oct 23, 2019 8:38 am 
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Joined: Tue Oct 27, 2009 8:19 pm
Posts: 8063
Ditto all of the above.

They really do have to learn that time doesn't run according to their clock! Both my Ds's have only walked to the station and paid for their own fares once - seemed to focus the mind. If it is safe to do so let her make her own way to school and explain when she gets there.

Being late is a real bugbear of mine. I find it so rude. I had a friend who was always late / cancelled at the last minute / didn't turn up. She seemed to think her time was more important than mine, sadly I haven't seen her for nearly a year now after she left me sitting in a coffee shop. She was very apologetic (again) but .......

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 Post subject: Re: Bus stress
PostPosted: Wed Oct 23, 2019 12:21 pm 
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Joined: Wed Mar 04, 2009 2:01 pm
Posts: 10130
Location: Herts
Me too.

I once saw an Oprah show where the husband was always late for everything and she said to him:

"What you tell people when you are late is that they don't matter enough and something else is more important."

We factor an extra hour into everything.

I was once waiting for a friend outside HBS when the exam was on and people were turning up in taxis and pushing their dds out upto an hour after the exam started.

We were so fascinated that we abandoned plans to go to a cafe and just sat and watched the amazing spectacle.

Hard to imagine what could have been more important than getting there on time.

QE don't stand for this nonsense.

They close the doors and anyone arriving late has to do the reserve date and if they are late for that them they do not do the exam at all.

I don't understand why HBS stand for it.

She has to get up and go to school just like she will have to get up and go to a job.

Don't ever drive her because she made herself late. DG


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 Post subject: Re: Bus stress
PostPosted: Wed Oct 23, 2019 12:26 pm 
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Joined: Mon Mar 15, 2010 2:45 pm
Posts: 7374
I feel your pain, Eccentric. My DCs were terrible - the bus was routinely late, until the bus company changed & it wasn't! Nagging made no difference so I gave up. There was no way for ours to get to school by public transport. Paying for their own Uber once soon put a stop to it. The only way is to not enable them (ditto forgetting books, PE kit etc). Funnily enough once they were driving to school it didn't seem to be an issue, I suppose they felt more responsible. I do wonder how DS2 gets to his lectures on time (he starts at 9am most days), but I haven't asked!
Th bus goes from opposite our house. Every time I see it I feel a small wave of relief that we don't have that stress any more!


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 Post subject: Re: Bus stress
PostPosted: Wed Oct 23, 2019 12:27 pm 
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Joined: Sat Mar 06, 2010 11:39 pm
Posts: 2477
Snap! I’m on edge this week because Herts schools are on half term next week, which means the roads are quite clear in Harrow and the bus is on time. I’m sure DD is going to miss it. I used to be quite a tough parent but I’m finding her quite difficult now and I’m having to pick my battles.

They are told to be there 5 mins beforehand so in theory the bus could arrive early and still leave without them. I have reminded her of this several times. If she misses this bus it’s a train and bus ride away. Two more days of not quite biting my tongue ... Definitely feel your pain.


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 Post subject: Re: Bus stress
PostPosted: Wed Oct 23, 2019 12:29 pm 
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Joined: Tue Oct 27, 2009 8:19 pm
Posts: 8063
Seems this thread has hit a nerve :lol: Glad to know I'm not the only one wailing like a banshee at 7 in the morning :lol:

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Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad !


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 Post subject: Re: Bus stress
PostPosted: Wed Oct 23, 2019 1:28 pm 
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Joined: Mon Mar 03, 2014 10:24 pm
Posts: 1560
Location: Petts Wood, Bromley, Kent
In Y7 for first two weeks I left the house at the same time as DD and walked five mins with her where we parted and she walked to bus stop and me to train station. I was there ten mins too early for two weeks. We brushed teeth at same time, ate breakfast etc at same time - it all helped her get into routine. I gradually started telling her ‘you’ve got fifteen mins before you need to leave’ now she just knows, checks the bus app whilst brushing teeth and makes her own way. Leaves me with ten mins to myself before I have to leave. She doesn’t get the option of a lift - she either gets a later bus or has to walk (35 mins).

When she did get shouty at one point when she missed the earlier bus I gave her the option of getting up earlier if she couldn’t organise herself - she quickly found that wasn’t necessary and stopped the ‘fiddling on her ‘phone’ that was contributing to delays.

DD likes getting to school early as it gives extra time with friends, select right books from locker etc, so she could in theory get a bus or two later and still be on time.


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 Post subject: Re: Bus stress
PostPosted: Wed Oct 23, 2019 4:14 pm 
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Joined: Fri Dec 19, 2014 7:58 pm
Posts: 738
On 3 days a week I have started to leave 5 minutes before Dd leaves the house for her bus. I did this yesterday and Dd was not even dressed when I left. The bus must have been very late that day. She gets carried away with homework before she even eats her breakfast.
My other daughter has always been on time for everything but is not motivated by anything academic. That are so different.


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