Perfect 10

[Moon unit]

I'd be interested to hear how teachers usually manage these situations. Is it the case that more able children get harder work in year 7 lessons?. How does a teacher run lessons with people working at different levels. I never ask my two what actually happens during a lesson at school so have no idea.My daughter and a boy in her class have been told they aren't allowed to answer in some mental maths sessions at school because it's not great for the confidence of other children. If that's what the teacher feels is appropriate I don't mind. I just don't think a teacher can run all lessons at varying levels.
My children's friends at both our local comps and grammars don't seem to be pushed much in year seven and generally parents don't seem to mind. I'm happy with that as I think there is so much else happening.
I guess what I'm trying to say Eccentric ( and I mean this kindly) is could it possible you are asking too much of your daughter's teachers? Does it matter if she has an easy year?

[Guest55]

I just don't think a teacher can run all lessons at varying levels.

We can - perhaps it's easier in maths because there is a hierarchy within each topic?

[Moon unit]

Thanks Guest55. How would that work in practice in the mental maths scenario?
My other question is about how teachers deal with parents asking for harder work for their children?
I can remember when mine were started school being told specifically by the teachers at a group meeting that no one was to ask for harder reading books/ higher maths tables etc. The analogy the head used was that you don't go to Clarks and ask for size 4 shoes when your child's feet measure a 2. We were told deciding work levels should be left entirely to teachers and parents were to keep out of it.

[Daogroupie]

All students should be supported in the classroom: those who are struggling, those who are average and those who find it too easy. Teachers are expected to provide work to cover all three categories. State education is designed for everyone. DG

[Eccentric]

[Dollydripmat]

Eccentric.....I would be very concerned with her attitude towards the other school children. I don't mean to be rude but she didn't pass the 11+ or the 12+ (I think she took the later) the problem may lie with exams , I would be doing my upmost to ensure that she's calm/stress free when taking exams . My DD1 didn't pass the 11+ everyone was shocked! she was a sure bet from primary school. She was upset, angry and lots more for a good few months....however I had to deal with her attitude as I could see this was becoming quite self destructive and she also didn't want to go to a upper as she had her heart set on a grammar. After a few months I had to do some straight talking with her and tell her the truth.....that she didn't perform when it needed to count (11+ test) , she took this hard but she took a look at herself and realised that coursework and school tests she always did so well, we realised that big exams could become a problem if we didn't deal with nerves etc.

On another note, I'm sure they're are other very bright children at your DD school , I would encourage her to accept that we don't always get what we want and life sometimes is about conforming and getting on with others as well as academic success. I wish you the best, but I do think you need to work on her extra curricular and making lovely friends, dollyxxxx

[doodles]

It may be a good move to spend the remainder of yr7 nurturing friendships rather than angsting about academics. Encouraging some extra curricular activities with other children (whatever their academic ability) that can either be continued into the summer holidays or which will provide some friends for the long break will make the transition into yr8 easier.

As somebody before me said school is more fun with a group of friends. Don't let your DD set herself apart from her peers, there's nothing worse than feeling lonely.

Good luck, being a parent has to be the hardest unpaid job!!! xx

[kenyancowgirl]

+1 (to dolly but also crossed post with doodles)

This is the first hiccup in a long line of hiccups that are life. Unfortunately we as parents cannot fix all the hiccups but can teach our children to be a little more resilient to them. Your daughter's reaction seems extreme and, I am afraid, that no matter how you think you have hidden your disquiet from her, I suspect that, as she is so bright, she has picked up that you are unhappy about the choice of school too - children do, I'm afraid.

Maybe a period of tough love with her - suck it up buttercup - get on with it, type of thing? Try and explain that this is her school for the foreseeable future, she needs to learn to embrace it, seek out new challenges within it and outside of it - work on friendship groups (I agree with dolly - if this is how she is being in school, the children will get turned off her, so she will need to be adapt at building bridges) inside and out. I also agree that she needs to accept that (although the 11+ and 12+ systems are not perfect) she didn't pass them - maybe this is the root of her anger - the first time she has failed something that she - and possibly everyone around her - expected her to pass? Perhaps she has some embarrassment that children she perceived to be not as clever as her, have actually done "better" than her? Work with her on calming techniques for exams - taker her and friends to weird and wonderful activities - go karting for example - where she may not be the best and see how she copes with this disappointment. Learning to fail is one of the hardest and most successful ways of learning to succeed.

School and life are not all about academia, that is fact. The brightest people do not necessarily make the best leaders, workers etc - communication, adaptability, making friends, earning respect, willingness to accept change, humour, flexibility, adversity...all are skills that need to be practised and the perfect learning environment is school. She may need help identifying her weaknesses/learning needs as she is so focussed on being the best at academia, she may not be able to see the wood for the trees. Perhaps you could enlist the help of the school - approach them with a "ok, so you are happy that she is coping academically - what other aspects of her abilities/character could she use this time to work on?"

[Justinterested]

Have you considered independent school.Many parents find the financial sacrifice gets them the individual attention they want for their child ?

[Moon unit]

I think this is one of the saddest posts I've read on the forum.
I expect most people know when a person is looking down on them and generally try to avoid contact with them as a result.
If I remember rightly Eccentric your daughter won't hand in her homework in front of her classmates because her work is so much better than that of the rest. How has she got to that point? How could your dd possibly know the content of other children's work and judge it to be so inferior to hers?
Another comment was that other children in the class read picture books. There are many great books with pictures. What on earth could be wrong with them doing that?
Somehow or other your dd has got to a point where she feels the other children are completely stupid. Something is terribly wrong here. There must be other bright children in her year at a comprehensive. Her attitude to her peers is really worrying. No wonder she hates school if she is giving out these vibes.
I would forget completely about pushing for harder work and focus on her peer relationships which in my opinion are the real problem.Perhaps the school counsellor could help her.