I'm a mum that is in a really bad place at the moment
Moderators: Section Moderators, Forum Moderators
I am so sorry you feel like this. Your daughter doesnt have to be one of societies 'elite' she is your daughter and you love her whatever she is. To you she is 'elite'.
My son scored 381 and didnt pass his friend scored 360 and did. It doesnt mean my son isnt elite it just means he is not very good at Non Verbal reasoning / or he didnt mark the sheet properly.
He is however a delightful child, a great leader, compassionate and kind. He is thoughtful of peoples feelings and a great communicator - thats pretty elite in my eyes.
So dont feel your daughter isnt good enough, she just didnt do it on the day - be proud of her and celebrate the fact she tried. ... and have a hug.
My son scored 381 and didnt pass his friend scored 360 and did. It doesnt mean my son isnt elite it just means he is not very good at Non Verbal reasoning / or he didnt mark the sheet properly.
He is however a delightful child, a great leader, compassionate and kind. He is thoughtful of peoples feelings and a great communicator - thats pretty elite in my eyes.
So dont feel your daughter isnt good enough, she just didnt do it on the day - be proud of her and celebrate the fact she tried. ... and have a hug.
I am really sorry for you too. I have a daughter in Year 5 and sometimes I wonder should I even bother with the whole grammar rigamarole. It would be a lot easier to put her in the local good non-grammar school. But then given she is a bright, I want to give her a chance. Nothing ventured nothing gained and all. I know it's easier said than done and I would be grossly disappointed if she doesnt get in either. But then nothing can be done about it, i suppose I will cross that bridge later 
I had a chat with one of her teachers last week. This teacher has 4 children, of which one of the girls got into the highly selective local girls grammar, the other one got into the best local non- selective (or comprehensive as it is said in some areas ). The other two got into the local failing non-selective (generally parents prefer to move house rather than send their DC's here). The only ones who got into university and one even managed a doctorate are her 2 children who went to supposedly local failing school.
I had a chat with one of her teachers last week. This teacher has 4 children, of which one of the girls got into the highly selective local girls grammar, the other one got into the best local non- selective (or comprehensive as it is said in some areas ). The other two got into the local failing non-selective (generally parents prefer to move house rather than send their DC's here). The only ones who got into university and one even managed a doctorate are her 2 children who went to supposedly local failing school.
-
rachel'smum
- Posts: 94
- Joined: Tue Sep 15, 2009 1:42 pm
- Location: Swale
That was lovely and I will be saying just that to my best friend who's daughter also didn't quite make it, but is a very beautiful child, both inside and out.loubielou wrote:.
He is however a delightful child, a great leader, compassionate and kind. He is thoughtful of peoples feelings and a great communicator - thats pretty elite in my eyes.
So dont feel your daughter isnt good enough, she just didnt do it on the day - be proud of her and celebrate the fact she tried. ... and have a hug.
Maidstone Mum I know exactly how you are feeling as my son didn't pass either. I have been close to tears just talking about it with friends. Also feeling that all that effort we put in beforehand seems to have been wasted.
Is there any chance you can appeal? Have you spoken to her headteacher? I am considering appealing for my son, having spoken to his headteacher who tried to get him through on HT appeal and having had parents evening yesterday and being told he is in top group for everything and would thrive at grammar school, but March just seems such a long way off right now, I can't decide what to do at the moment. I know my son would do better at grammar school because of the type of person he is and his school agree with me and will back me all they can.
I won't say I'm sure she will do well wherever she goes because I'm sure, like me, you don't want to hear that right now.
Just want to wish you lots of luck and hope you feel better in a couple of days and have a big HUG from me.
Is there any chance you can appeal? Have you spoken to her headteacher? I am considering appealing for my son, having spoken to his headteacher who tried to get him through on HT appeal and having had parents evening yesterday and being told he is in top group for everything and would thrive at grammar school, but March just seems such a long way off right now, I can't decide what to do at the moment. I know my son would do better at grammar school because of the type of person he is and his school agree with me and will back me all they can.
I won't say I'm sure she will do well wherever she goes because I'm sure, like me, you don't want to hear that right now.
Just want to wish you lots of luck and hope you feel better in a couple of days and have a big HUG from me.
Maidstone mum, sorry to hear about your situation. I understand how it feels and I can only echo what everyone has written especially twinkles. If you believe your child would thrive better in a grammer condition, give it all you can, you are the only one who knows your child best. You need to speak to the HT, think carefully of what you want to do and then map out a way to achieve it. This site is awesome, great for encouragement and wise advise. I wish all the best.
-
maidstonemumofmany
- Posts: 6
- Joined: Wed Oct 21, 2009 3:23 pm
Maidstone mum,
I only browse on here now after using the forum regularly last year when my 2nd child took the 11 plus and thought I would offer my thoughts.
Firstly, I am so sorry you are feeling this way, I think the stress and general build up is horrible for both parents and children and I am sorry your DD didn't get the result she wanted.
Secondly, my eldest child didn't take the 11 plus five years ago, he went to a Maidstone comprehensive and has now just entered the sixth form with 12 A* - C GCSE grades, he has developed into a well rounded young man and is both kind and thoughtful, with a well motivated teaching staff and child the sky is the limit both in Grammar and non-selective schools, there is light at the end of the tunnel honestly !.
I really do believe that there are good comps in the Maidstone area that serve our children very well, unfortunately we are led to believe that Grammar is the "be all and end all".
My daughter did take the 11 plus last year and has just started at MGGS, she enjoys it, but in all honesty I would have been quite happy for her to attend the same school as her brother.
I read your post and had a lump in my throat, your daughter sounds a lovely girl and I am sure she will thrive and do well wherever she goes.
Best regards to you
I only browse on here now after using the forum regularly last year when my 2nd child took the 11 plus and thought I would offer my thoughts.
Firstly, I am so sorry you are feeling this way, I think the stress and general build up is horrible for both parents and children and I am sorry your DD didn't get the result she wanted.
Secondly, my eldest child didn't take the 11 plus five years ago, he went to a Maidstone comprehensive and has now just entered the sixth form with 12 A* - C GCSE grades, he has developed into a well rounded young man and is both kind and thoughtful, with a well motivated teaching staff and child the sky is the limit both in Grammar and non-selective schools, there is light at the end of the tunnel honestly !.
I really do believe that there are good comps in the Maidstone area that serve our children very well, unfortunately we are led to believe that Grammar is the "be all and end all".
My daughter did take the 11 plus last year and has just started at MGGS, she enjoys it, but in all honesty I would have been quite happy for her to attend the same school as her brother.
I read your post and had a lump in my throat, your daughter sounds a lovely girl and I am sure she will thrive and do well wherever she goes.
Best regards to you
-
Sally Herts
- Posts: 126
- Joined: Tue Jan 13, 2009 4:06 pm
- Location: Herts
Your DD's contentment later in life doesn't depend on whether she passes the 11+. Lots of 11+ "failures" go on to have happy and successful lives - really, they do. However, the amount of pressure and stress we heap upon ourselves makes it feel like it's the end of the world. That's the price we pay for having a go.
And you know, sometimes having a setback can be good for the character. Look at Beth Tweddle last week. She fell off her best apparatus, the uneven bars. Then went on to get a gold on the floor exercises.
I'm sure your daughter will go on to do well in life, and when things get tough, she'll be able to look back on this and remember how well she bounced back.
PS Please remind me of this in March, when we get our results.
However, the amount of pressure and stress we heap upon ourselves makes it feel like it's the end of the world. That's the price we pay for having a go. And you know, sometimes having a setback can be good for the character. Look at Beth Tweddle last week. She fell off her best apparatus, the uneven bars. Then went on to get a gold on the floor exercises.
I'm sure your daughter will go on to do well in life, and when things get tough, she'll be able to look back on this and remember how well she bounced back.
PS Please remind me of this in March, when we get our results.
Being bright doesn't make someone elite or if it does then I would rather mine weren't.
I passed my sister failed, she did get to Grammar at 13 as she was a very determined person and it was what she wanted. She was and is also just as bright as me.
Academically she is streets ahead, loves to learn like I never did and therefore has excelled in ways I couldn't.
As my mother says what will be will be and your daughter whatever happens next will have the joy of a supportive family who love and care for her and have gone that extra mile.
I passed my sister failed, she did get to Grammar at 13 as she was a very determined person and it was what she wanted. She was and is also just as bright as me.
Academically she is streets ahead, loves to learn like I never did and therefore has excelled in ways I couldn't.
As my mother says what will be will be and your daughter whatever happens next will have the joy of a supportive family who love and care for her and have gone that extra mile.
Dear Maidstone Mum
Oh, how I feel for you. Last year my DS failed and it was incredibly hard to get my head round it. I hope you found time to read my other post. I'm not sure what to write what the others haven't so far. I echo all of their posts. I know what you mean when you say that 'it does matter' as here in Kent there are no second chances. There is no other exam that I can think of when you can't get a second shot at it. This is not about ability; it's all about how kids measure up against each other at a moment in time. Dreadful.
I know some people may think it extreme when I describe 'failure' as going through a period of mourning yet others will know exactly what I mean. Different emotions, including for me guilt because I felt that I had let him down with my own tutoring skills or rather lack of them. I firmly believe that I have reached the 'acceptance' stage and can now move on but it's taken a very long time. If it takes a while for you, that's OK. Your vision of your DD's future has just changed and you'll need time to bring it back into focus.
Once you have the school choices done and the form is in, try to push aside all of this for a while. Decisions about appeals can be left a little while as there is nothing to be done right now. Set aside some time to enjoy just being together with your DD. Delight in the qualities she exhibits which you listed in your original post.
As far as the social networking goes, my only advice is to discuss openly about all types of choices we make in life including our friends. You can only steer her as best you can and it sounds like you are just the right person for the job! Like each and every one of us, some choices we make in life are right and others go wrong.
Hope you feel better soon. Kind regards. Mum007
Oh, how I feel for you. Last year my DS failed and it was incredibly hard to get my head round it. I hope you found time to read my other post. I'm not sure what to write what the others haven't so far. I echo all of their posts. I know what you mean when you say that 'it does matter' as here in Kent there are no second chances. There is no other exam that I can think of when you can't get a second shot at it. This is not about ability; it's all about how kids measure up against each other at a moment in time. Dreadful.
I know some people may think it extreme when I describe 'failure' as going through a period of mourning yet others will know exactly what I mean. Different emotions, including for me guilt because I felt that I had let him down with my own tutoring skills or rather lack of them. I firmly believe that I have reached the 'acceptance' stage and can now move on but it's taken a very long time. If it takes a while for you, that's OK. Your vision of your DD's future has just changed and you'll need time to bring it back into focus.
Once you have the school choices done and the form is in, try to push aside all of this for a while. Decisions about appeals can be left a little while as there is nothing to be done right now. Set aside some time to enjoy just being together with your DD. Delight in the qualities she exhibits which you listed in your original post.
As far as the social networking goes, my only advice is to discuss openly about all types of choices we make in life including our friends. You can only steer her as best you can and it sounds like you are just the right person for the job! Like each and every one of us, some choices we make in life are right and others go wrong.
Hope you feel better soon. Kind regards. Mum007
