Negative comments
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Thank you all for your comments.
Solimum - thanks for resending your honest post about your feelings towards your friend. I really dont want this to be seen as competitive so I think I will speak to my friend more about how and why she feels this way.
SSM - My friend has always been aware of our desire for our DS to go privately...so for 11 years now! But I suppose something doean't actually hit you until it is really happening (Like childbirth I guess....everyone tells you it will be painful, you hear, but don't really know until you are in labour)
T.i.p.s.y - My goodness a rift with your father!....how bad can this get??? Thankfully just freinds and acquaintances so far. My friend's children are fantastic and will be going to the local school which is good with really good facilities, definitely not failing. I don't expect my DS to achieve more or less qualifications than hers (but will deal with it if it happens) - that is not the main reason why we have chosen to enter the private sector; we have chosen it for so many more reasons. Oh, and yes T.i.p.s.y I think I will also have to join you in coming to terms with not giving a monkeys!
I have now decided to call my friend and have a good chat about it with her to try to understand her feelings.
Solimum - thanks for resending your honest post about your feelings towards your friend. I really dont want this to be seen as competitive so I think I will speak to my friend more about how and why she feels this way.
SSM - My friend has always been aware of our desire for our DS to go privately...so for 11 years now! But I suppose something doean't actually hit you until it is really happening (Like childbirth I guess....everyone tells you it will be painful, you hear, but don't really know until you are in labour)
T.i.p.s.y - My goodness a rift with your father!....how bad can this get??? Thankfully just freinds and acquaintances so far. My friend's children are fantastic and will be going to the local school which is good with really good facilities, definitely not failing. I don't expect my DS to achieve more or less qualifications than hers (but will deal with it if it happens) - that is not the main reason why we have chosen to enter the private sector; we have chosen it for so many more reasons. Oh, and yes T.i.p.s.y I think I will also have to join you in coming to terms with not giving a monkeys!
I have now decided to call my friend and have a good chat about it with her to try to understand her feelings.
Hi Suncrest,
I had the same problem last year with some of my 'friends'.
Some of it was definitely jealousy but others who could easily afford the fees seemed to regard it as a negative decision. The local secondary state school gets good results but it depends who your child is friends with and how motivated they are to work hard.My DS is easily led astray and doesn't like to appear to be clever so that was why we decided to send him to a school where everyone has passed an entrance exam and wants to work.Also the smaller classes mean that the teachers keep the children on track and foccused.
If you ignore it it does get better but you do feel a little isolated when all your child's friends go to the same school . Girl's nights out are weird when they all talk about teachers , trips etc which you don't know anything about.
My DS has made some lovely friends and we have become friends with their parents now so have lots in common with them. Also if you get invoved with new school's social events that's a good way to make friends with other parents.
Believe me when I see how well my DS is doing and how fab the school is - I don't regret our decision one bit and neither will you!
P.S. I would have a chat with your friend to find out what the problem is.Let us know the outcome! Good Luck!
I had the same problem last year with some of my 'friends'.
Some of it was definitely jealousy but others who could easily afford the fees seemed to regard it as a negative decision. The local secondary state school gets good results but it depends who your child is friends with and how motivated they are to work hard.My DS is easily led astray and doesn't like to appear to be clever so that was why we decided to send him to a school where everyone has passed an entrance exam and wants to work.Also the smaller classes mean that the teachers keep the children on track and foccused.
If you ignore it it does get better but you do feel a little isolated when all your child's friends go to the same school . Girl's nights out are weird when they all talk about teachers , trips etc which you don't know anything about.
My DS has made some lovely friends and we have become friends with their parents now so have lots in common with them. Also if you get invoved with new school's social events that's a good way to make friends with other parents.
Believe me when I see how well my DS is doing and how fab the school is - I don't regret our decision one bit and neither will you!
P.S. I would have a chat with your friend to find out what the problem is.Let us know the outcome! Good Luck!
[quote]Girl's nights out are weird when they all talk about teachers , trips etc which you don't know anything about.
Wow! I really didn't think of that one....I really am naive aren't I? Thanks for your advice. Am I strong enough for all of this I wonder?
Yes, nearly all DS school freinds will be moving onto local school so we do stand out a bit.
Am meeting friend later today so will keep you posted
P.S. Sorry about atrocious spelling in previous post (wich!!!!/missing apostrophes duhh...how did DS pass those exams?)
Wow! I really didn't think of that one....I really am naive aren't I? Thanks for your advice. Am I strong enough for all of this I wonder?
Yes, nearly all DS school freinds will be moving onto local school so we do stand out a bit.
Am meeting friend later today so will keep you posted
P.S. Sorry about atrocious spelling in previous post (wich!!!!/missing apostrophes duhh...how did DS pass those exams?)
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T.i.p.s.y
Don't worry about the spellings! There are a few members who flag up posters lack of grammar or use of apostrophesP.S. Sorry about atrocious spelling in previous post (wich!!!!/missing apostrophes duhh...how did DS pass those exams?)
but the rest of us aren't that snooty! 
As you can see, the English language is not my strong point! 
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FirstTimeBuyer
- Posts: 271
- Joined: Wed Feb 25, 2009 10:34 am
- Location: S East
Solimum, that was an excellent post, and worth reproducing.
It may sound strange but I don't take the view that it is an entirely personal decision as to where one sends one's DC, unless one is entirely sociopathic.
Take a small example: you buy your DS a DS (geddit
) or a playstation or a mobile phone. This will raise expectations in the households of DS's friends, and may place unwelcome pressure on their parents.
Take a larger example. You buy DC a Porsche or a Ferrari. "What!" you cry collectively, "Don't be ridiculous". But of course, the cumulative cost of an Independent education from primary to sixth form would be more than sufficient to buy a sleek new sportscar with enough left over to fill it with a toy boy or bimbette!
Five years of boarding school alone could be £150,000+.
Now imagine how that news is taken in the houses of DD's or DS's friends. If they are also in the market for an Indie, then fine. If not, it will be an uncomfortable reminder that they either cannot or will not make the same efforts for their offspring. Alternatively if they do not approve of the Indie sector for either social or political reasons, you will be reminding them that you are doing something that they do not approve of.
In this last case I don't think one has to be too accommodating, but I do think that one has to be sensitive to situations where others might wish to invest in an Indie education, but circumstances do not allow. I wouldn't dismiss it as mere jealousy - it is rather more complex than that.
It may sound strange but I don't take the view that it is an entirely personal decision as to where one sends one's DC, unless one is entirely sociopathic.
Take a small example: you buy your DS a DS (geddit
) or a playstation or a mobile phone. This will raise expectations in the households of DS's friends, and may place unwelcome pressure on their parents.Take a larger example. You buy DC a Porsche or a Ferrari. "What!" you cry collectively, "Don't be ridiculous". But of course, the cumulative cost of an Independent education from primary to sixth form would be more than sufficient to buy a sleek new sportscar with enough left over to fill it with a toy boy or bimbette!
Five years of boarding school alone could be £150,000+.
Now imagine how that news is taken in the houses of DD's or DS's friends. If they are also in the market for an Indie, then fine. If not, it will be an uncomfortable reminder that they either cannot or will not make the same efforts for their offspring. Alternatively if they do not approve of the Indie sector for either social or political reasons, you will be reminding them that you are doing something that they do not approve of.
In this last case I don't think one has to be too accommodating, but I do think that one has to be sensitive to situations where others might wish to invest in an Indie education, but circumstances do not allow. I wouldn't dismiss it as mere jealousy - it is rather more complex than that.
Exams are formidable for the best prepared. The greatest fool may ask what the wisest man cannot answer.
HI T.i.p.s.y.
Actually I think it is my atrocious typing letting me down....look at freinds rather than friends spelling! But good to know only a few spelling police around.
By the way what is your latin quote? Is it 'Penguins stand together for great opportunities?' I gave up latin in year 9 I'm afraid!
Actually I think it is my atrocious typing letting me down....look at freinds rather than friends spelling! But good to know only a few spelling police around.
By the way what is your latin quote? Is it 'Penguins stand together for great opportunities?'
I gave up latin in year 9 I'm afraid!But if you take that logically FTB, would you then need to consider whether you should be buying, for instance, top quality ham from the best supermarket (whichever one that is in each individual's opinion) or should you perhaps only buy the cheap stuff 'cos next door might be offended 'cos they can't afford it?
Should you buy a real leather settee or an imitation one because when your friends come around, their expectations might not be the same as yours and they'd get upset.
No we wouldn't do that, and so it should be with education. We have to live our lives as we see fit. No-one intentionally hurts (for the most part ) anyone else, but we have to do what we have to do and sorry, but stuff everyone else - I will now go and duck behind the dustbin (it's my nearest receptacle) to avoid any incoming missiles.
Should you buy a real leather settee or an imitation one because when your friends come around, their expectations might not be the same as yours and they'd get upset.
No we wouldn't do that, and so it should be with education. We have to live our lives as we see fit. No-one intentionally hurts (for the most part
) anyone else, but we have to do what we have to do and sorry, but stuff everyone else - I will now go and duck behind the dustbin (it's my nearest receptacle) to avoid any incoming missiles.
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T.i.p.s.y
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T.i.p.s.y
