premature birth
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Dear dee-dee
Being the parent of a set of twins, whether identical or not, is very difficult if you are sitting selective school examination. It is inevitable that your children will have different strengths and weaknesses and it is really important that you are sure that any decisions you take are in both children's best interests. The children will inevitably compare themselves against each other as will you.
Although your children may have views on whether they want to be together or not, often it is not a well-formed view.
It is important however that your children do learn to function independently of each other both in school work and forming relationships. If you read books on twin psychology it is emphasised that at some point all twins have to separate, whether it is for educational purposes or relationships (they can't marry the same person!) and those who tend to have emotional difficulties are the ones who have not learnt to deal with this separation.
However separation does not necessarily have to mean separate schools, it can mean separate classes.
Most LEAs have a twin policy whereby you can choose the school both children qualify for. However you would need to be clear it is really in both children's best interests, if this meant one of them missed out on a grammar school place, otherwise it is a decision that could come back to haunt you.
Prematurity is medically defined as being born before 37 weeks so your twins were just premature. However, both your twins were slightly premature and it would be difficult to explain how this would have affected one of your children and not the other unless one had had major medical complications resulting in developmental delay.
I would recommend trying to take a big step back and try and imagine if the twin you feel will struggle to get into school was a singleton, what would you be trying to do for him/her now?
Being the parent of a set of twins, whether identical or not, is very difficult if you are sitting selective school examination. It is inevitable that your children will have different strengths and weaknesses and it is really important that you are sure that any decisions you take are in both children's best interests. The children will inevitably compare themselves against each other as will you.
Although your children may have views on whether they want to be together or not, often it is not a well-formed view.
It is important however that your children do learn to function independently of each other both in school work and forming relationships. If you read books on twin psychology it is emphasised that at some point all twins have to separate, whether it is for educational purposes or relationships (they can't marry the same person!) and those who tend to have emotional difficulties are the ones who have not learnt to deal with this separation.
However separation does not necessarily have to mean separate schools, it can mean separate classes.
Most LEAs have a twin policy whereby you can choose the school both children qualify for. However you would need to be clear it is really in both children's best interests, if this meant one of them missed out on a grammar school place, otherwise it is a decision that could come back to haunt you.
Prematurity is medically defined as being born before 37 weeks so your twins were just premature. However, both your twins were slightly premature and it would be difficult to explain how this would have affected one of your children and not the other unless one had had major medical complications resulting in developmental delay.
I would recommend trying to take a big step back and try and imagine if the twin you feel will struggle to get into school was a singleton, what would you be trying to do for him/her now?
Hi all,
Ok I'm wrong and all you guys are right!!!!!
i thought this forum was about making your point!
how can you guys say these things without even knowing my twins...........they have to be together, how will they cope without eachother? they share everything!.......................
don't worry i will not be posting on here again!!
bye
Ok I'm wrong and all you guys are right!!!!!
i thought this forum was about making your point!
how can you guys say these things without even knowing my twins...........they have to be together, how will they cope without eachother? they share everything!.......................
don't worry i will not be posting on here again!!
bye
-
hermanmunster
- Posts: 12902
- Joined: Fri Sep 15, 2006 9:51 am
- Location: The Seaside
Hi dee-dee
Don;t disappear! sorry if we have upset, reckon that most people are just speaking openly from experience. I used to wonder how on earth my kids (36 weekers at that ) would cope without me .... first day ay nursery ..... first day at school.... first sleepover ...first trip away ... but actually they did cope and generations have done so. I look back at myself and wonder what all the fuss was about.
My two pennorth on the twin issue is that my father was a twin - his sister didn't pass the scholarship exam to the grammar (pre WWII this..) and father did, they were both sent to the secondary modern and he never forgot it - got a degree in the end but he was over 40 by then - made him VERY keen on taking all educational opportunities.
I appreciate we don't know yr twins but no one knew my kids and they reckoned the kids would be fine without me and they were right.
Hope you get sorted
Herman
Don;t disappear! sorry if we have upset, reckon that most people are just speaking openly from experience. I used to wonder how on earth my kids (36 weekers at that ) would cope without me .... first day ay nursery ..... first day at school.... first sleepover ...first trip away ... but actually they did cope and generations have done so. I look back at myself and wonder what all the fuss was about.
My two pennorth on the twin issue is that my father was a twin - his sister didn't pass the scholarship exam to the grammar (pre WWII this..) and father did, they were both sent to the secondary modern and he never forgot it - got a degree in the end but he was over 40 by then - made him VERY keen on taking all educational opportunities.
I appreciate we don't know yr twins but no one knew my kids and they reckoned the kids would be fine without me and they were right.
Hope you get sorted
Herman
I also hope we don't scare you away.
I think you came here seeking the experience and advice of those who have gone through the 11+ process or who are in the same boat as you.
All you will ever get on here is opinion and there are no rights or wrongs in this and I hope you understand that not one of us is telling you what to do, because as you say we don't know you or your children.
However, like every aspect of life, you will find that opinions will vary from yours and I hope you can take what you like from the opinions that you like and shrug off those you disagree with. Occasionally someone will say something thought-provoking that will make you see problems from a different angle and possibly even change your view-point on a subject. I know that I have found this to be the case.
All the best with your choices.
I think you came here seeking the experience and advice of those who have gone through the 11+ process or who are in the same boat as you.
All you will ever get on here is opinion and there are no rights or wrongs in this and I hope you understand that not one of us is telling you what to do, because as you say we don't know you or your children.
However, like every aspect of life, you will find that opinions will vary from yours and I hope you can take what you like from the opinions that you like and shrug off those you disagree with. Occasionally someone will say something thought-provoking that will make you see problems from a different angle and possibly even change your view-point on a subject. I know that I have found this to be the case.
All the best with your choices.
Dee Dee, I think other posters were just trying to allay your fears about how your children would cope if separated. Please don't stop visiting and posting.
I genuinely wish that my twin and I had been split at GS. A long story that I have alluded to in the past. Essentially I felt quite overwhelmed by having my twin (who was more dominant at that time - it varied) with me all of the time. We were too close. A lot of other children avoided us as they saw identical twins as being a bit strange.
Dejavu - I agree. Twin number two rocks!!
I genuinely wish that my twin and I had been split at GS. A long story that I have alluded to in the past. Essentially I felt quite overwhelmed by having my twin (who was more dominant at that time - it varied) with me all of the time. We were too close. A lot of other children avoided us as they saw identical twins as being a bit strange.
Dejavu - I agree. Twin number two rocks!!
