What are the main influences on your secondary age children?

[loobylou]

Perhaps the answers here demonstrate the futility of trying to find the 'right' school. Parental support/upbringing/circumstances are key, as demonstrated by all the stats on student outcomes.
It is a game of luck and one cannot know for certain if a school will suit DC. My DDs went to the same school 2 years apart, their experiences have been VERY different. It has been a largely positive experience overall but for DD1, stability and support at home has been really important in enabling her to navigate situations that were completely out of her control. In short, she had bad luck with her form class and early friendship groups. This could have happened anywhere,at any school, it is the luck of the draw. What makes a difference is how well equipped a family is to deal with the situation, which can seem like the most draining parental experience, until you think about terminal illnesses, child carers etc. I do not think you can predict/legislate for this, what you can hope for is a school that deals with these things well (IME parents who have no experience of pastoral issues or whose children end up the 'winners' will eulogise about pastoral care so ignore them) and that as a family you have prepared them well enough and have the resources to support them. Children under achieve and/or are miserable in every school in the country. Equally the majority are happy and do well. You can narrow the chances but you cannot control the outcomes, so don't sweat the small stuff. I always thought having a choice of good schools would be great, (ours were limited) but now I am not so sure, an enviable position to be in nonetheless.

This is a very good point. Actually I think she understands that but of course everyone is caught up in the need to try to feel one is doing one's best. Plus some parents are very definite "Oh we are applying for Comprehensive A because it's marvellous and everyone should do the same thing" which can be hard for some parents to navigate. I never took any notice of those types of parents personally

[loobylou]

I think they are influenced by a variety of different factors.

When DS is well behaved, gets good grades, is kind and thoughtful I like to think that its mostly down to my positive influence as a parent.

On the other hand when he's rude, lazy, gets poor grades and is generally a pain in the backside its mainly due to the influence of his friends, his school and the slipping standards of our wider society! Or the influence of OH...

Naturally.

[mystery]

Thing that always struck me in these school choice matters is how many people say their child preferred school x or school y because of this, that or the other on the open day / evening. And they make it all sound scientific and as though there are some really obvious differences the children will spot at those occasions and the right choice will be made.

Well, happily enough my daughters both chose to put first what I thought was the best school on paper with a reasonable journey. But those open days, evenings etc? How can they possibly help make the decision unless the you meet loads of teachers who are clearly clueless and a fight breaks out between the pupil tour guides during the course of the evening. During visit number one I was already bored rigid and if it had been me making a choice, for all you can tell on those visits, one may as well choose by throwing a dice.

I don't know how my children did it but never mind, it gave me the answer I was already looking for which, very boringly, I arrived at by percentage of children getting level 5 or higher at KS2 who got A/A* at GCSE and checking the staff didn't seem to clueless at the open morning and also noticing that the children were making a good job of looking like they enjoyed school at the open morning.

[Amber]

Thing that always struck me in these school choice matters is how many people say their child preferred school x or school y because of this, that or the other on the open day / evening. And they make it all sound scientific and as though there are some really obvious differences the children will spot at those occasions and the right choice will be made.

I do agree. To me it beggars belief that parents even give a 9-10 year old this kind of choice. I don't agree either with people taking children to grammar schools before the test to 'motivate them' by showing them the wonders of the GS. What is the point? Firstly as you rightly point out mystery, unless a riot breaks out on the one hand, or their favourite pop group is performing in the hall on the other, a child's powers of judgment and discrimination for the finer points of schools are unlikely to be sufficiently honed to assess all the implications of their preference. Secondly, what if, suitably 'motivated' to apply themselves to solid, constant study for their 11+, forsaking all other activity for 9 months, they then don't get in? What message are you going to give them then? No, imho you save these jolly visits for after any tests so you know what your options are, and then as the parent you say 'this is the school we like the best, what do you think?'. Sometimes parenting actually involves being the parent.

LL - isn't there a geographical preference here, all other things being equal? I am wondering how it comes to pass that someone literally has 8 schools to choose from.

[scary mum]

DS1 wanted to go to the place that served the best food on open evening! I agree that they are too young to decide. I took DD in year 5 but it meant nothing to her. DS1 went in year 6 & I can't remember taking DS2, but I suppose I must have done

[loobylou]

LL - isn't there a geographical preference here, all other things being equal? I am wondering how it comes to pass that someone literally has 8 schools to choose from.

I think it's one of the vagaries of N London that there are areas which are almost black spots and there are areas with huge choice. It happens to be one of the latter. There are two schools equidistant to her, one of which has the worst reputation on paper and one the best. They are both within easy walking distance but the "best" one is one of the ones she has no hope of getting into in March. It just has huge housing density around it and most of that housing is filled with families. There has been a lot of building in that area in recent years - 2 years ago something ridiculous like 280 children didn't get primary school places in the borough.
She has more choice due to the fact that it is a dd - 4 of those 8 are girls' schools, 2 are religious and she would meet their criteria. But, with one exception, all of those are within a 25 minute journey (door to door) and not more than one bus (which of course is free in London). The exception happens to be a school that she loved but it is a longer journey (albeit one where the bus stops 2 minutes from their front door but is a 50 minute journey).

[loobylou]

DS1 wanted to go to the place that served the best food on open evening! I agree that they are too young to decide. I took DD in year 5 but it meant nothing to her. DS1 went in year 6 & I can't remember taking DS2, but I suppose I must have done

Yes free cakes in the Food Tech rooms always help