How do to deal with bad reference from DC's school

[mystery]

Oh it does sound a mess. Does your son need the support or not do you think? If you are paying an EP privately you should be expecting a faster service than that. Can't you find another EP who is available to assess your child and observe him at school sooner? I'm a bit puzzled by the statement that he is working on the report now but won't be able to do the work until after Christmas. What does that mean?

However, if your son really does need support then you are letting yourself in for some high fees in the independent sector unless you somehow get a statement which pays independent fees and extra support. Is this likely with mild ADHD?

Was the independent school within its rights when it effectively applied a permanent exclusion on day 2? You are saying that he actually started at an independent school and they threw him out? Did it go to their governors? Did the contract you signed with them say that it was "subject to reference"? And if so, why did you son start there before they received the reference. It sounds as though the independent school has acted a bit strangely too.

There are a few bodies which give free education legal advice - google Coram and some other likely words and you will find it. Trouble is it's hard to get through to them on the phone. Sometimes this kind of thing is available on legal aid too - if you google SEN and solicitors you might find out it you qualify and you might get things a bit straighter about what you are and are not entitled to.

No-one from the council is going to explain all the relevant law to you if it's going to cost them more, and the independent school is clearly worried that your son might need the support ..... and that maybe they have some duty to provide it .... the independents round here always charge the parents for additional support but again I'm not sure of the law on this point.

It doesn't sound as though anyone is explaining anything very well to you. But also all your posts contradict one another - do you realise that? Maybe the schools don't understand your correspondence. Can you get someone else in the family to help you?

[mystery]

Who did go to the last annual review of your son's statement? What was discussed about secondary school? Does he still have a statement and what does it say? Did you declare that he had a statement on your application to the independent school that threw him out on Day 2?

[KusKus Mum]

@ Mystery, please read all my mail properly. They did not throw him out neither was he permanently excluded and I don't think my mail contradicts one another. I am at work as I write this mail. I am a Consultant with a demanding schedule so I get very little time to write and reflect. My older Son is in an Independent boarding school so I know how the system works. They do not sign a contracts when you get admission into a private primary school. As explained in my earlier email, he went to take the test at the end of year 5, spent a whole day at the school and he was given admission letter the following week to start year 6.

At the start of September, DC started the school but the present school Headteacher (I.e. the one giving bad reference) called the independent school several times to give bad verbal reference. The school got scared that my son might need support after all. They asked for the support offered in his statement to be transferred to the school . I contacted the stalemating officer for help with this. I had already made it clear to the stalemating officer that I would be paying the tuition fee as my other son has always been privately educated.
The indie school called the council and the council refused to transfer the service, they actually told her that since my son has a Statement of educational needs, they shared parental responsibility with us and therefore, they will not agree for him to be transferred to another school.

The school told us that he would need some support . This was not the case when he came to do the test because I wanted them to see him without any statement , to assess him the way he is. He has never been excluded from school . He is friendly, polite and sociable though he has some moments but never violent or aggressive. We decided to withdraw him as we are already paying school fees and transport . To add support fees will be too much as we are already paying boarding fees for our other son.

The last annual review was at the beginning of year 5. No one from the council was present. we had his support teacher, speech therapist , SENCo teacher, Headteacher, myself and my husband. I mentioned the school I wanted my DC to go but the Senco teacher said they will put him in a behavioural unit of a school. We had a very heated argument at the meeting because I needed to know why my son should be put in a behavioural unit. He has never been excluded from school. He got a medal at the end of year 5. He is in top set in Maths. There was no further conclusion on this afterwards. I have had to push very hard for everything. Most parents are unhappy about the Headteacher as everyone complains about how she tells them their children will never pass while they end up getting into top Grammar schools. She is relatively new in the school. She told my dc not to sit for 11plus as he would never pass.

This whole process has been very emotional for us and I am here for further information and help that I can get as I have very little time to do anything. Thanks to everyone for all the valuable information and help .

[mad?]

OK, I've been having a bit of trouble following this as well. However, in short, is what you are saying that you cannot afford to pay for the support AND school fees, and that you feel the reason the new school are asked you to do this is because the head of the original school rang them and told them about his needs once he had already started. If not, why do you think the new school only made this request once he was admitted?
KusKusMum I think everyone wants to help. I am asking for clarification as I do not understand the sequence of events and feel it is necessary to do so in order to be able to provide constructive advice. If it was the written reference that was the issue I wonder why the new school went so far as to let him start before sorting this out?
Also, FWIW all the private primaries around here require a contract to be signed and also only offer once a written reference has been received. I think that is why some posters are just trying to understand what happened when.
Snap! I too am at work .
Good luck.

[daveg]

they actually told her that since my son has a Statement of educational needs, they shared parental responsibility with us and therefore, they will not agree for him to be transferred to another school.

[magwich2]

Not sure I understand this either.
If he only has "mild" ADHD why does he need a carer all the time at school?
Also any independent school is going to have to look at the impact of his needs on other fee paying parents.
Not really sure what problem is - surely you can just junk the statement , enrol him where you like and pay the fees. Or is it that someone else pays them if you can retain the statement ?

[mystery]

OK, so your son did start the new independent school this September? How many days did he attend for? Had they agreed to have him? Had you signed all the relevant paperwork, paid fees etc on time, provided information and references that they requested before deadlines they gave?

If so, how on earth could they "say goodbye" to your son and give you a refund? What was said to you at the time? What do the school's terms and conditions say about terminating your child's education - don't they have to give you some notice? If this can happen at one independent, it could maybe happen to you at another. You need to understand what went on and why, and your legal position. Schools do have terms and conditions, and by dint of paying a term's fees you have some rights. Sure you have rescinded these now (probably) but this all seems very odd.

I have read your posts carefully but, with respect, they don't hang together too well. Maybe it would be better to do them at home when you have ten minutes to set it out clearly; otherwise any help anyone give on here is going to be a complete waste of time as it will be based on the wrong information.

[KusKus Mum]

He doesn't need a carer all time. The school still maintain the statement since year 1 without change. He is not on medication. I took him to CAMHs in year 2 and the Doctor said he doesn't need to see him anymore as he is doing fine. He went to sit all the school exams and spent the whole day at the school without any carer with him .
The school did not report any problem . The problem came when the headteacher started called the new school . The new Headteacher was a bit surprised abiut the whole interest. She didn't understand why they are so determined to make him stay if he is a probelm to them. I hope you understand the situation we are in, the school present a bad case scenario to justify the statement. The support teacher works with everyone in the class most of the time. He is now in year 6, he does activities outside the school, piano, violin and football without any carer following him around. He goes to Saturday school 9-1 without any carer. He is in year 6 and they maintain the hours from year 1.
Thanks once again for you help. I hope you all understand the situation now.

[KusKus Mum]

Sorry for the spelling and grammar mistakes, just leaving work and in so much hurry to pick my son

[JRM]

The school told us that he would need some support . This was not the case when he came to do the test because I wanted them to see him without any statement , to assess him the way he is. He has never been excluded from school . He is friendly, polite and sociable though he has some moments but never violent or aggressive. We decided to withdraw him as we are already paying school fees and transport . To add support fees will be too much as we are already paying boarding fees for our other son.

From this paragraph, this is what I understand to be the sequence of events:

1. Your son is at school A. He gets a statement and they get additional support staff time. This is maintained until year 6. Possibly the review process is inadequate - you feel that he doesn't need that much support but the school promote the worst case scenario to get them additional funding.

2. Your son sits the entrance exams for school B. He does this without any additional support on the day. You think this is a good test to show that he can cope on his own and so don't see the need to mention any additional needs to school B.

3. Your son starts school B with no statement or additional support in place.

4. The head of school A, talks to the head of school B and explains that while he was at school A your son needed X hours or X type of additional support in the classroom.

5. The head of school B talks to you about this and informs you that if your son needs additional help at school B then it will cost you addtional money in fees.

6. You withdraw your child because you can't afford these additional fees, so he goes back to school A.

Please correct me if I am wrong, I am just trying to get the situation straight in my head. My understanding is that you believe the head of school A overexaggerated your son's need for additional support and that your child could have continued without support at school B as he has grown and become more independent.

It sounds to me like there has been inadequate communication and assessment of what his needs actually are. Unfortunately I can't help with that part of the process, but I have written this in the hope that it might put a clear version of events. If it is wrong I will delete it because I don't want to add to the confusion. The people on here are very helpful and have a wide variety of knowledge, so if you can write a step by step report of the process you have gone through I am sure they will be able to help. Good luck.