daughter's attitude to 11+

[gatleymum]

yoyo, Thinking about it a bit more, when we started in September, she seemed overwhelmed by doing questions on her own, so I switched to working through the Bond books with her to increase her confidence. It got so I barely had to put in any input, but I was concerned that she was becoming reliant on my presence, so the test paper was to see how she managed without me - resulting in major confidence failure. I think I will have to "withdraw" from the equation more gradually, I guess we still have a fair while. Perhaps we need to do papers where we just discuss the questions and how she should approach them, until it becomes boringly obvious and arrogance kicks in.

[fatbananas]

That sounds like an excellent idea Gatley mum. I'm, ironically, never more pleased than when my DS1 shouts in a voice bristling with irritation, "I know! I know!", as he grabs the book out of my hand and gets writing!

Perhaps whilst it's all comparatively new, having you there is comforting. Once it all becomes very familiar, she will not notice/ mind whether you are there or not. (Think that goes for life generally! )

[scarlett]

It all sounds so familiar, gatleymum ! My DS is almost apoplectic when I produce his 11 plus work and DS1 /DD are just lazing around....I've had to prime DS1 to do his homework at the same time and then find something for DD to do just to make DS2 feel better Fortunately , DS2 really wants to go to the same school as his brother, so although he doesn't want to put the work in, he does want to take the 11 plus. It sounds more tricky for you if DD wants to go to the same school as her friends and so you will have to reiterate the 10 form thing. MY DS1 was desperate to go to a school with his friends ( luckily it was the school we also wanted him to go to ) but fast forward a year, and he doesn't even like them now , let alone speak to them. It's hard for children to look ahead though isn't it.

Going back to the work, I sit with DS in my bedroom , out of the way...it seems more relaxed and we go over the maths topics etc...then I leave him to a little series of questions to consolidate it all. He had a mad rummage through my bedside drawer the first time, but just gets on with it now. I think it's a question of saying that is what we are doing and setting a routine so they know what to expect. I do buy my DS little bits and pieces to say well done and which he is chuffed to bits with.

My friend whose son is at a tutor seems to be doing the papers , but just 10 questions at a time. Perhaps try that ?

[Kiwimum]

I agree with scarlett, 10 questions at a time so not to overwhelm your DD.

You could also copy the questions and both of you complete them at the same time so your DD has your presence but not your input while doing the questions.
Make sure you get some wrong especially the easier ones, that way if you both get the question wrong you can discuss what you should have done and if DD gets the question right and you get it wrong there's a little confidence boost for her.

Good Luck!

[katel]

"My DCs get between 1 and 2 hours homework a day so if you are getting so much resistance to half an hour a day then you have to seriously ask yourself whether GS is for her. "

Forgive me Pushydad, but that is quite a silly thing to say- the op's daughter is 9 years old and being asked to do extra work, rather than the homework all her peers are doing. You are also bizarrely suggesting that there won't be homework at non- grammar schools. A serious misapprehension!

[scarlett]

I agree , Katel. Actually, my DS1 who is at grammar has hardly any homework ( at least that's what he tells me ) but the work he does do at home is always completed as soon as he receives it and with the greatest diligence .However, he also was a master of huge dramatic sighs and writing " this is boring " ( albeit in tiny writing )over his 11 plus practice papers.

[mystery]

Oh poor you Gatley Mum, sounds like my children but mine are much younger, so I don't have to worry yet.

Could you try doing something daily instead - a small amount to start with? Then it becomes part of the daily "normality" rather than some special thing you fight over once a week? And it has to be done before things like TV etc happen? Once it is happening daily (helped by a small daily bribe) and she is seeing improvement then you can increase the time sneakily on some days when she has started to get "stuck in".

I now do a small amount most days that is above the school homework (of which there is very little as they are only young) ......... it's strange that because it's daily it creates much less fuss than when I tried to do a blob from time to time. I do run into problems big time if I expect one child to do something but not the other. One of them is going to have to sit the 11plus two years early I think just to make it "fair".

I like Scarlett's bedroom idea too. I find that works well for reading as we can all fit together on the massive bed (not at Scarlett's house I hasten to add).

[gatleymum]

I would like to do it daily - that's what we do with music practice and they don't seem to notice, but it would have to be before school because the evenings are chaos with childcare, clubs etc. - and she's not a morning person!! Sometimes feel like a teenager has moved in already.. Poor dear, I'm not presenting a great picture of her, am I?! - she's a love really, at least the teachers say so ..

[scarlett]

She's sounds perfectly normal Mornings wouldn't work with my son either ..he's usually pin balling about in his pants until the very last moment.

Could you not fit in something the minute you get home from school ? My son prefers to get on with it as soon as he gets home and I give him a drink etc which seems to soften the blow ! You have to find that window of opportunity and then make sure everything is prepared before hand. I find they always make a bid for freedom if you are faffing around finding the right book.

I also find relaxing on the bed gives you an opportunity to have a really great chat about how they are feeling.

Mystery..you wouldn't fit on the bed I'm afraid. Yest. we had the dog, guinea pigs , hamsters and then DH joined as too.

[Rob Clark]

Forgive me Pushydad, but that is quite a silly thing to say- the op's daughter is 9 years old and being asked to do extra work, rather than the homework all her peers are doing. You are also bizarrely suggesting that there won't be homework at non- grammar schools. A serious misapprehension!

I agree too, Katel. As the father of one DC at a GS and one at a US, I can tell you which of them gets the most homework – and it isn’t the former