How exactly do you cope with waiting for results?
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Blue_Marigold
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Re: How exactly do you cope with waiting for results?
I coped by finding like-minded friends on this forum and we talked about our fears and worries and encouraged one another through the ups and downs. If you go over to the rehab section on this forum you can see last years cohort joined together and made a thread. I myself received a lot of support when I had wobbles and felt sad. I am sure you will too xx
Re: How exactly do you cope with waiting for results?
Another one here weighing in with the two dominant thoughts from this thread. Firstly on my opinion it is never right to make jokes about mental health issues. I have direct and close family experience as well as professional experience of severe anxiety and clinical depression and also of a close friend who took her own life after decades of battling so I also flinch when jokes are made.
Secondly I can also assure you, as others have done , that it really is not worth stressing over to this extent. I did it with one and the outcome was not what we had hoped. That one is off to what is widely seen as one of the country’s top universities next week. Seriously, let this go before your child also becomes anxious or depressed. It’s not worth it
Secondly I can also assure you, as others have done , that it really is not worth stressing over to this extent. I did it with one and the outcome was not what we had hoped. That one is off to what is widely seen as one of the country’s top universities next week. Seriously, let this go before your child also becomes anxious or depressed. It’s not worth it
Re: How exactly do you cope with waiting for results?
I ignored it so far. But, what's the point ? Why do some people here think I was joking? What if I wasn't? Who decides what issues cause anxiety in someone and what don't? Something that's trivial for YOU might mean a big deal for me! You are the ones insulting/belittling mental health by somehow assuming I was joking. Did you think for a moment that I could be under a lot of stress with other things too in life (full time job, difficult kids, relationship problems etc) that is making me more anxious than normal with 11plus thing? Whats wrong in wondering if my twins 11plus will push me into clinical depressions? If my other circumstances continue to be this bad, I have no reasonons to believe it will. How did some people decide I was joking?
Appreciate if you focussed energies on helpign me calm down than tell me my anxiety isnt anxiety or I was joking about clinical depression. If you have nothing better to say, you perhaps already know what to do.
Appreciate if you focussed energies on helpign me calm down than tell me my anxiety isnt anxiety or I was joking about clinical depression. If you have nothing better to say, you perhaps already know what to do.
Re: How exactly do you cope with waiting for results?
Thanks to everyone who contributed positively to my post. I feel better today. Two more exams to go (Newstead and Wallington Stage2) so, that's keeping me busy.
I have to figure out a strategy to keep sane in for the next 2 weeks. At the moment, coffee is helping well.
I have to figure out a strategy to keep sane in for the next 2 weeks. At the moment, coffee is helping well.
Re: How exactly do you cope with waiting for results?
If you were not joking, then I am very sorry that you are finding this so difficult and stressful and I suggest that perhaps you ought to visit your GP who might be able to help you, or else contact an organisation like the Samaritans. A good friend of mine who is also a doctor works for them and I think they are very professional. Perhaps I was among those who wrongly thought by the tone of your first post that you were joking about it and that you were not indeed in the throes of a difficult period of mental health. And I admit that tomum's aggressive post about 'political correctness gone mad' put my back up slightly too.Exams2018 wrote:I ignored it so far. But, what's the point ? Why do some people here think I was joking? What if I wasn't? Who decides what issues cause anxiety in someone and what don't? Something that's trivial for YOU might mean a big deal for me! You are the ones insulting/belittling mental health by somehow assuming I was joking. Did you think for a moment that I could be under a lot of stress with other things too in life (full time job, difficult kids, relationship problems etc) that is making me more anxious than normal with 11plus thing? Whats wrong in wondering if my twins 11plus will push me into clinical depressions? If my other circumstances continue to be this bad, I have no reasonons to believe it will. How did some people decide I was joking?
Parenting is stressful, but really it should not induce clinical depression when one's children sit the 11+ - I think you need to seek some professional advice and help as we on here are not generally qualified to advise.
Are you being unpleasant here or have I misunderstood again?Exams2018 wrote:If you have nothing better to say, you perhaps already know what to do.
Re: How exactly do you cope with waiting for results?
Perhaps it was your 'tone' OP - although it's difficult to infer tone from a short posting on a forum like this. The fact that you included several exclamation marks made your comments seem light hearted! and not very serious! (see what I mean?).
My advice, like Amber's, is that if you have genuine MH issues then seek help immediately and don't rely on anonymous names on a public forum to help.
My advice, like Amber's, is that if you have genuine MH issues then seek help immediately and don't rely on anonymous names on a public forum to help.
Re: How exactly do you cope with waiting for results?
It would have been much better if people could simply respond to OP’s initial question and those who have nothing to add of their own experience should simply stop being judgemental and patronising and butting in to a thread that does not concern them.
Personally I am with you on it 100% Exams2018. We were in the same boat a couple of years ago, diying first time without any prior experience which was causing a lot of uncertainty and anxiety for me. Being really nervous and stressed about the whole 11+ thing is quite real, but I doubt going to Samaritans will solve the problem. If anything, talking to people who went through it themselves and felt the same stress might help which is what OP seems to have done, rather than going to a GP or Samaritans and trying to explain yourself to someone who may have never gone through it. I would genuinly feel ridiculous if I had to tell someone who doesn’t understand how stressful it was for us. A lot of people judge you about taking 11+ too seriously and I see a lot of parents downplaying the stress and so showing how much you care about it would make you appear as pushy, overy ambitious, etc, etc, so best not to discuss it with casual parents. It is Like talking to a parent who claims they only did one paper a week for 11+ while you did 1 paper a day.
Some people will never understand or never say the truth.
Anyway, as I said, for us it was very stressful and revealed some ‚’true friends’ along the way too and indeed some friendships (which were not friendships in the first place but rather had an appearance only) were ruined too. Do not let any of this bother you. 11+ can really bring the best and the worst in some parents!!! (Not the kids really who are innocent in all this).
We just looked at it this way: what’s done is done. We worried and did our best beforehand, and just forgot all about it during the waiting for the results, because there was nothing we could have done anyway. After the exams we focused on rewarding my dc, spending some quality time with him to make up for the days of hard work he went through and just decided to have the best family time we could, enjoying the fact that it was all over as we found ourselves with more free time on our hands. So, OP, what’s done is done, try to have a great time with your child, it will make him/her feel great no matter the result, reward him for the effort he put in the exam. Don’t let your dc feel the anxiety.
Personally I am with you on it 100% Exams2018. We were in the same boat a couple of years ago, diying first time without any prior experience which was causing a lot of uncertainty and anxiety for me. Being really nervous and stressed about the whole 11+ thing is quite real, but I doubt going to Samaritans will solve the problem. If anything, talking to people who went through it themselves and felt the same stress might help which is what OP seems to have done, rather than going to a GP or Samaritans and trying to explain yourself to someone who may have never gone through it. I would genuinly feel ridiculous if I had to tell someone who doesn’t understand how stressful it was for us. A lot of people judge you about taking 11+ too seriously and I see a lot of parents downplaying the stress and so showing how much you care about it would make you appear as pushy, overy ambitious, etc, etc, so best not to discuss it with casual parents. It is Like talking to a parent who claims they only did one paper a week for 11+ while you did 1 paper a day.
Some people will never understand or never say the truth.Anyway, as I said, for us it was very stressful and revealed some ‚’true friends’ along the way too and indeed some friendships (which were not friendships in the first place but rather had an appearance only) were ruined too. Do not let any of this bother you. 11+ can really bring the best and the worst in some parents!!! (Not the kids really who are innocent in all this).
We just looked at it this way: what’s done is done. We worried and did our best beforehand, and just forgot all about it during the waiting for the results, because there was nothing we could have done anyway. After the exams we focused on rewarding my dc, spending some quality time with him to make up for the days of hard work he went through and just decided to have the best family time we could, enjoying the fact that it was all over as we found ourselves with more free time on our hands. So, OP, what’s done is done, try to have a great time with your child, it will make him/her feel great no matter the result, reward him for the effort he put in the exam. Don’t let your dc feel the anxiety.
Re: How exactly do you cope with waiting for results?
Exams2018 I messaged you privately on here a few days ago xx
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stroudydad
- Posts: 2246
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Re: How exactly do you cope with waiting for results?
So i was shocked by your first post, but actually I am disgusted by the latest ones... sorry but I feel the tone of the first post was to belittle mental health, and to then have a go at people because they read it like that and have issues with joking about mental health is just wrong.... these are the sort people that help those with mental health issues, or have been there themselves.
Regarding the actual fact that you feel it is doing this, it should tell you something, surely?! and from some of your comments I’m guessing that you’re a grammar school or bust parent, do let me spell it out.
A SCHOOL IS JUST A SCHOOL. ITS THE CHILD THAT MAKES THE SCHOOL WORK NOT THE THE SCHOOL THAT MAKES THE CHILD WORK..
Yes I am cross and yes I am shouting..
that is all...
Regarding the actual fact that you feel it is doing this, it should tell you something, surely?! and from some of your comments I’m guessing that you’re a grammar school or bust parent, do let me spell it out.
A SCHOOL IS JUST A SCHOOL. ITS THE CHILD THAT MAKES THE SCHOOL WORK NOT THE THE SCHOOL THAT MAKES THE CHILD WORK..
Yes I am cross and yes I am shouting..
that is all...
Re: How exactly do you cope with waiting for results?
'A thread which does not concern them'? In what way does it not concern anyone? If you post a question on an open forum like this, do you only expect answers from others who have suffered clinical depression directly arising from the 11+, and moreover are professionally qualified to advise on its management in specific cases?Fg1234 wrote:It would have been much better if people could simply respond to OP’s initial question and those who have nothing to add of their own experience should simply stop being judgemental and patronising and butting in to a thread that does not concern them.
And in terms of your other assertion - if the OP really does have a clinical condition arising from, or exacerbated by, the 11+, then he or she does need professional advice. If this is not the case, then it is insensitive to use it as a way of expressing stress or anxiety which while real, is not of clinical or mental health significance. That is all anyone was saying.
