A Parent’s Guide to Coping with the 11 Plus

As the parent of a child taking the 11+ you will probably find the process stressful. In areas where the alternative schools are of an acceptable or even high quality most parents tend to remain fairly calm, safe in the knowledge that their child will still receive a good education even if they do not qualify for a grammar school. Unfortunately in some areas the alternatives to a grammar school can be less than appetising, and levels of parental stress tend to be accordingly higher. Whichever situation you find yourself in there are some very important points that can help you and your child survive your 11+ journey with as little stress as possible.

Apart from the alternative schools on offer, the other factor that conspires to raise parental stress is the silence that apparently prevails about the 11+ in many areas, especially where there is fierce competition for places:

• Parents will often not discuss the 11+ openly
• The type of tests that make up the 11+ are concealed by schools to prevent preparation, although parents with older siblings who took the test will already have that information
• The names of good tutors are spoken of in hushed tones among friends, but rarely shared with others
• Parents may hide the fact that their child is being tutored, blithely mentioning that they are “doing an hour here and there”, when in fact the child is seeing a tutor for two or more hours a week, and doing large amounts of homework to follow up
• Information about appeals is hard to find.

The list simply goes on and on. As a new member of our 11 Plus Forum wrote: “Around here people are more secretive about the 11+ than MI5 and the CIA put together!”

Seek information — and stay informed over time

It is critical that you know exactly how the admissions process for grammar schools works in your area. Information really is power during the 11 Plus process, and these are the three key steps you need to take to be fully informed:

• Find out what the Admission Rules are for your preferred schools to check if you will have any chance of gaining a place. You will find more information to help you do this in our 11+ Schools section. Places may be allocated by 11+ score, by distance or by another criterion such as religious commitment, sibling priority or priority feeder schools.

• Admission Rules can change from year to year, so do not check them three years before your child is due to take the test and assume that the same rules are still in force when the time comes around.

• Find out about the testing process for your preferred schools – what the tests consist of and when they take place. Again, look out for changes to the tests, because the content can vary considerably for topics such as Verbal Reasoning and English.

• Keep yourself informed throughout the 11 plus process. In Kent a consultation process about the 11 Plus Admissions procedure was launched in autumn 2007. The result was that the 11+ tests were brought forward from January to September in order to allow parents to have the results of the tests before completing their application form for schools. The change to the test date was announced in late May 2008 in advance of testing in September 2008, only three months ahead of the tests. This could have curtailed quite severely the 11+ preparation process for many children taking the test that year. The consensus was that at least all the children were equally disadvantaged by the change, and in this case the change of timing was widely publicised through the consultation process. In the case of individual schools or a small consortium of schools, such changes may not be widely publicised, especially to parents who live outside of the school’s own Local Authority area.

Manage your own stress levels

Although both you and your child may feel that their future schooling is at best uncertain and at worst, almost dependent on a “lottery” (now a reality in some non-selective areas, of course), you must face both the best and worst possible outcomes with as much calm and equanimity as you can muster. It may help to put the testing process in context within your family. Compared with the blessings of good health, financial security and a roof over your heads, the outcome of the 11+ is relatively low on the scale of family crisis. Try to retain a sense of perspective at all times.

There is further advice in this area of our site on how to cope at the time of the tests and how to deal with the day(s) that you receive the test results and school allocations.

Manage your child’s stress

Most children taking the 11 Plus will experience some stress during the process. Even if you are the most laid-back parent for miles around, they will hear playground chatter about the 11+ and hear friends expressing their anxieties about their future schooling. Unfortunately you cannot assume that simply because you are staying calm, your child feels the same way.

To manage your child’s stress the most important step is to reassure them of their future, regardless of the outcome of the 11 Plus – your “Plan B” for their future schooling. (There is more information on how to identify “Plan B” in our 11+ Schools section.) It may be difficult to convince them that your failing catchment school will be a good alternative to your/their preferred grammar school, but convince them you must! Every school has some strong points, and you will need to research those thoroughly, even if your heart is not in it. Your child needs to know that you are in control of the situation and that you have their future securely mapped out for them.

The other reassurance that every child undertaking the 11+ needs is to know that they will not have “failed” if they are unsuccessful. Your child should know that you will be proud of them for their hard work at school, for their work in preparing for the test and for their courage in taking it. A positive result – should your child qualify – is a bonus, and not validation of your relationship with your child.

As a footnote to managing your child’s stress, an important point must be raised. With possibly months of extra work ahead of them it is often the case that parents promise some expensive gift for the child at the end of the process. It is a personal decision for each family of course, but please consider very carefully the terms you set for the child to receive the gift. If the gift is offered in return for passing the 11 Plus, how will you deal with the situation if your child does not qualify in the test and then faces the additional upset of not receiving the promised gift as well? It is the view of many of our Forum members (and the strongly held belief of the editor of this site, an 11+ “survivor” herself) that such presents should reward effort, not achievement.